The Butterfly Effect
by cakechromosome
Summary: Chase Parker was stubborn, impulsive and could not for the life of her follow orders, something Eric was not willing to tolerate. Her greatest strength is also her biggest downfall, a weakness Eric will do his best to rid her of, but will she grow under his command or break? Eric/Oc and Tris/Four
1. Chapter 1

"Excuse me?" I heard Beatrice, my best friend ask angrily a few feet away. A girl that was twice her size stood above her and I couldn't tell what she said but Bee gave her a good shove making the girl stumble. I tried to make my way over but in those short few seconds a crowd had formed. By the time I hit the centre of the circle Beatrice was on the ground and the other girl was punching her in the face, Bee was doing her best to block the hits but she had the disadvantage of being on the ground. Without thinking I grabbed the big girl by the hair and gave a massive yank dragging her off Beatrice and throwing her sideways. Before she gained her balance or recovered from the shock I tackled her as hard as I could to the ground and punched her in the jaw. My fist connected 4 times before I felt arms wrap around my torso and drag me off her.

"That's enough!" A voice barked angrily into my ear as I struggled to loosen the grip around me. I immediately became still but his grip didn't loosen as he walked me away from the girl.

When we were further away he loosened his grip and nearly threw me to the ground.

"What do you think you are doing?" The guy asked, he was covered in piercings and tattoos.

"I was protecting my friend." I snapped back angrily.

"It's not your job to protect your friend." He growled. "Your job is to fall in line and follow orders, do you understand me?"

I had a response on the tip of my tongue, something about how he hadn't actually given us any orders to follow yet but I bit it back and instead said bitterly, "Yes Sir."

He stormed off to check on the other girl while I went to check on Beatrice.

"You alright?" I asked, she had a split lip and a bleeding nose but she didn't look too bad considering.

"Had worse." She smiled in return, then winced when she felt her lip. "Thanks for jumping in though."

"What do you think I'm here for?" I smiled back. It was true. Me and Bee had been friends for years and she always had a habit of causing trouble. She had a smart mouth and a fiery temper but wasn't the best fighter, which luckily for her I was.

"And sorry about getting you into trouble."

"Don't sweat it, would've happened eventually anyway." I shrugged.

"Okay gather round." The guy with facial piercings spoke.

He had introduced himself as Eric, one of the dauntless leaders and explained to us that we now had to jump off this building into a deep, dark hole that appeared to be endless. He was asking for volunteers which I thought only an idiot would do.

For all we knew, it could've been a test for stupidity and the first jumper dying would be a lesson not to do stupid shit - you know, like jumping into a big, dark holes that appeared to be endless.

"You can't be serious." I grabbed Beatrice's arm as she made her way towards the ledge.

"Parks it'll be fine." She tried to smile reassuringly.

"Forget about it, you're not jumping and neither am I." I'd much rather watch someone else die from the jump.

"We don't have a choice."

"Yeah we do! Forcing us to do dangerous shit like this, it's not right."

"Parks tru-

"-Do we have a problem here?" I heard Eric, the trainer guy ask from behind.

"-Yes." I snapped

"-No" Bee spoke at the same time

"No. we. don't." Bee stated again more firmly giving me a 'do not argue with me' stare.

"Hurry up Initiate. I don't have all day." His voice was cold when he spoke. Great.

Beatrice was up on the ledge and over in a heartbeat. I held my breath and waited in horror for the sound of flesh hitting concrete or some kind of scream but I heard nothing. I released the breath I was holding and tried to calm my racing heart. Thank god she was alright.

Typical Bee. The first one to jump off. I can't decide whether I'm proud or pissed at her bravery.

Eric looked at me now. I guess that meant it was my turn? Fine. Taking a breath I took the leap of faith and felt myself hit netting. I felt arms come around me and pull me off as a voice asked my name.

"Chace." I responded dusting off the invisible dirt off my pants. I stood next to Beatrice (or Tris as she wanted to be known now.) and waited for the rest of the initiates to jump.

* * *

After everyone was standing together, four introduced himself as our instructor and began showing us around the compound. We both made friends quickly with the other transfers.

Hearing that the sleeping and bathroom arrangements were co-ed I froze. He couldn't be serious. I heard grumblings around me, apparently I wasn't the only one who disagreed. I felt Bee grab my arm and rub it reassuringly. "It'll be fine."

We were all told to undress and change into dauntless clothes. The girls looked sheepish as they quickly switched over their clothes trying not to reveal too much skin in the process; the guys on the other hand had no problem. Me? I sat there trying not to shake.

"Parks." Beatrice's voice knocked me out of my thoughts. She shoved some dauntless material in my hands, pushed me to the corner of the room and held a sheet from one of the beds in front of me so I was hidden from the rest of the room. I quickly got changed.

"Thanks." I smiled

"What do you think I'm here for?" She grinned back.

* * *

We made our way to the dining room where we found Will, Christina and Al sitting.

We sat with them and started piling food onto our plate. I shovelled some onto Bees' when she looked unsure of herself. I wasn't originally from Abnegation, so I knew about all the other foods and life styles and such.

"Have you never eaten a hamburger before?" Christina asked when she saw the look on Beatrice's face.

Will went into a long spiel about abnegation and their dietary needs.

"I can't believe you have to live like that." Christina shuddered. "No wonder you left."

"Like your faction can talk Candor." I snapped defensively. I might not originally be from Abnegation but their selfless virtues were the reason I was taken in by Margaret and Thomas Parker. I hated it when anyone put Abnegation down for the way they chose to live.

The table got awkwardly quiet after my outburst.

"Umm.." Christina cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be offensive." And because she was a Candor, I knew she was telling the truth.

"No it's fine, I might have over reacted." I apologised feeling a little guilty now.

"No you didn't, being Candor I just say what comes to my mouth when really I shoudn-"

"-I don't want you talking about your old factions." Four spoke from beside us. "You're Dauntless now." I frowned. What's up with him?

"Were you a transfer?" Bee asked.

"You're kidding right?" Four asked incredulously. "What makes you think you can talk to me?"

I kept my mouth shut but shared wide eyed looks with Will, the other transfer. It pissed me off that he would talk to Beatrice that way but I remained quiet not wanting to start anything.

"..Must be because you're so approachable." Bee responded her voice completely flat and calm. Her response made me laugh but because I was drinking I started choking as it went down. Bee hit my back as I tried to catch my breath.

"Four!" I heard a shout from behind us as I watched Eric approach our instructor. "Making new friends are we?"

"What do you want?" Four responded, the muscle in his jaw jumping.

"Max wants you upstairs man." Eric gave Fours shoulders a squeeze. Four shrugged him off and took off.

"What are you looking at Initiate?" Eric snapped at me. I didn't realise I had been staring at him. I looked away and kept my mouth shut.

"What's it to you?" Bee asked in response. Shit. I knew she was sticking up for me but I had the feeling she was also gonna get us both killed in the process. Eric did not seem like someone you wanted to fuck with.

"What's it to me?" He spoke softly moving closer to our table and bending his head so he stood right above Tris.

"Yeah what's it to you?" She repeated. "Parks can look at whoev-" She didn't get to finish her sentence as Eric lifted her up by the scruff of her shirt. Her feet dangled in mid-air. I went to stand but he was watching me, daring me to react. Great this was getting ridiculous. Bee and I jumping into each others problems when we felt the other was being wronged. Well it was too late now. In for a penny, in for a pound.

"Bee." I called and she quickly ducked her head to the left while I grabbed the cup next to me throwing water into Erics face. I knew Eric could beat me in a fight but I didn't plan on fighting him, just getting me and her out of there.

The distraction threw him for a bit as Beatrice twisted out of his hold. I grabbed her arm and tried to make a run for it but I felt a massive arm grab me around the torso. I twisted out of Erics grasp and quickly swung at him but he ducked. He grabbed my arm again so I punched with the other arm, I tried to hit him wherever I could but he was too fast. I was a good fighter, but I only fought on the streets, Eric had been trained. He moved fluidly and efficiently. It didn't take him long to get me on the ground. His hand was wrapped around my throat and he was squeezing it, tight enough for my air flow to be cut off. I tried to claw his fingers off me but he held strong. I was losing oxygen and getting dizzy, I knew I wouldn't last long. "What are you going to do now little girl?" He spat "Huh? You seriously thought you were strong enough to beat me?"

I could hear Beatrice pleading for him to get off me. She was trying to pull him off but she wasn't strong enough. A crowd had formed to watch but nobody interfered.

"You are nothing. Do you understand me? "

I nodded in response, it was the only thing I could do. He loosened his grip on my neck and I gasped for air, oxygen had never tasted so good. Coughing I sat up, Beatrice running up to me rub my back. I watched as Eric walked away.

"Well.." I took deep breaths and when he was out of earshot muttered, "At least we can mark Eric off the list of people we can pick fights with."

Beatrice laughed nodding her head. "Yeah cause that's all we were actually trying to find out."

* * *

I was already awake when Four came into our sleeping area. He had a metal rod and began hitting it against the railing.

"Get up." He barked. "I want everyone in the pit."

I didn't need to dress. I had already changed into my clothes while everyone else had slept. Having insomnia had its benefits. I waited for Tris to finish getting ready though before we both made our way out.

"Everyone gather round!" Eric called so we made our way to the ranking board. He showed us a board with the numbers 1 through 40 on it.

Four began his speech. "In your initiation there are 3 stages. The first stage is physical, you will push your body's till breaking point, master the method of combat. The next stage is mental, again breaking point. You will face your worse fears and have to conquer them.. or not. After the end of each training day you will be ranked." Four spoke. "To find out where you sit amongst your fellow initiates, both you and the dauntless born will be ranked together. The ranking systems also helps determine where you'll move onto from here. Whether it be leaderships, guarding the fence or stopping the factions from killing each other."

"You'll be doing hand to hand combat today. I'll take you through all the basic moves then everyone will pair up and practise."

* * *

The moves were easy enough to pick up.

I was paired with a girl named Monica. We sparred for a short time but I deliberately held back because I didn't want to accidentally hurt her. Monica seemed nice enough. We paused for a moment to catch our breaths so I had time to sit and watch Christina and Tris. They were lightly going through the moves but neither of them had any real fighting experience and I could tell Tris was nervous.

"First jumper!" I heard a voice shout. I didn't need to turn around to know who it was though. Eric. Just the sound of his voice made me nervous. "In the ring. Last jumper! Time to fight."

I suddenly got a lot more nervous. That meant Bee was paired up with Molly. Molly who was not only bigger then Bee but from what I'd observed from earlier today, was also a better fighter.

"How long do we go for?" I heard Molly ask.

"Till one of you can't continue."

"Or one of you concedes." Four interjected.

"No. Those were the old rules; new rules mean no one concedes." Eric retorted. I didn't hear Fours response but I didn't miss the scowl on Eric's face, realising I was staring again I quickly turned away. I was so not repeating yesterday's mistake.

Tris looked at me as she approached the mat. She looked terrified and I didn't blame her. I was terrified too.

_You'll be okay_. I mouthed silently to her. I just hoped I was right. She nodded but I could still see her shaking. I wanted so badly to do something but I knew I couldn't interrupt, after yesterday's fiasco, I was already on thin ice.

I watched the whole fight. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. I owed it to Beatrice to watch and at least find any weaknesses of Molly's in the process. I didn't realise I was shaking until I felt Al touch my arm.

"Hey are you alright?" He questioned concerned.

"I'm fine." I bit out. I was not fine. I was angry. So fucking angry. Years of protecting Beatrice and now I had to stand by and watch as she got beaten to a pulp? This was a fucking joke.

I watched her get punched and kicked, I watched her fall to the ground and I watched angrily as, after a nod of encouragement from Eric, Molly gave Tris a punch that was unnecessarily hard to the face and knocked her out cold.

"Great. Next up Peter and Jason." Eric smiled moving onto the next mat. The bastard was completely unfazed by Beatrice lying there unconscious. Scratch that, the bastard looked pleased with himself. This was just some sick twisted revenge for her mouthing off to him yesterday.

Angrily I shoved past the other initiates as I went to the mat to move Bee off to the side and at least somewhat out of view.

"Leave her." Eric's voice ordered from my right. He was standing by the other mat as Peter and Jason prepared for their fight.

I ignored him. Probably not the smartest idea but I didn't care. I put my arms underneath Tris and dragged her off, pulling her over to one of the benches where I was attempting to pick her up to slide her onto it.

"Here I'll do it." Four offered from behind me. I watched as he gently lifted Bee and rested her on the bench. I took my jacket off and put it over her to protect her from the draft that continuously flowed through this area. When I was satisfied that she was comfortable I turned around ready to walk back but was instead greeted to a chest and folded arms.

"Did you not hear me tell you to leave her?" He questioned his voice cold.

I looked down clenching my jaw. "I asked you a question initiate!"

"I did sir." My voice was quiet when I spoke.

"And what?" He asked grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. "You just decided the order was optional?"

"She's my best friend." I defended. "You expected me to just leave her there?"

"I expect you to follow orders. Nothing more, nothing less."

I gritted my teeth and said nothing in response. "Go join the others." He growled his command.

_Anything to be away from you. _I thought bitterly.

I watched a few more fights before my name was called.

"Chace, Janette, in the ring." I knew this match up would be no problem. Once the fight began I let her get in a few hits and let her shove me around a bit before taking control. I wanted to beat her in the fight, but I didn't want to humiliate her. When it seemed like she put on a good enough show so she wouldn't lose too many points with the listing, I made my move. I grabbed her arm mid swing, ducked under, twisted and elbowed her in the face before giving her a hard punch to the side of the head in the hopes it would knock her out. It did. Thank god. "Match goes to Chace." Eric spoke. I bent down to check that Janette was okay, I reached out to touch her head but Eric's voice interrupted me.

"Leave her Initiate." He commanded. "Don't make me tell you twice."

This time I did listen. I knew there was only so far I could push him.

* * *

"Okay gather round! " Eric called at the end of the training session. He indicated the board that now had all our names written on it.

"This is where you all place. If by the end of the second stage, your name is below the red line." He indicated to the lowest 10. "You will be cut."

"Cut? What do you mean cut?" Al asked.

"You won't be accepted here." Eric looked directly at Al and shrugged nonchalantly when he said "so you will be forced to live factionless."

"What?" Christina asked outraged. "That's ridiculous. Someone should have told us."

"Why? Would you have chosen differently? What? Out of fear? In which case you don't belong here. If you really are dauntless you won't mind that you might fail. You chose us. Now we get to choose you"

That was an unexpected turn of events. And also fucking wrong. I had already made friends with most of the transfers and I didn't want to see anyone leave. On second thoughts, I could do without Molly..

Surprisingly enough I was in the top 10, I thought for sure Eric would deduct points from me for my insubordinence. Tris however was below the line. I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

* * *

"I'm not going to make it." Tris shook her head later that night.

"We're all gonna make it." I replied automatically.

"I'm the worst here."  
"Then you'll be most improved." Christina countered.

"You're Candor, you're not meant to lie."

"Tris." I spoke. "I am not gonna let you fail."

"How can you say that? I'm completely shit."

"We'll see how you go over the next few days." I responded, "And if you don't improve I will get your ass out of bed at 4 in the morning and train you myself."


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning we sat around the breakfast table. We barely said a word to each other as we shoved as much food into our mouths as humanly possible. We were starved from last night. Apparently Eric couldn't take a joke, information that might have come in handy yesterday afternoon.

It had started after lunch when Christina and Will got bored. They had come up with, which we now know, was a very bad plan. The joke had actually been to try and prank Four when he walked through the training room. We were going to use all the moves he taught us yesterday to try and take him down. We even had a black sack, rope and duct tape handy to bag him and tie him up. However by some sick twist of fate it wasn't Four that walked in. No, Murphys law would have it be Eric.

Eric who after being greeted to an ambush of yells and flying limbs, reacted –in my opinion- very poorly.

As in, he beat the shit out of us. We were all lying on the ground moaning and holding various body parts.

"Oh. Didn't realise it was you guys." Eric spoke dusting his pants off.

"What's going on here?" I heard Fours incredulous voice as he entered the room.

"I thought they were assailants." Eric responded picking up the rope off the ground. "Here to take me captive, I just _had_ to defend myself."

I could hear Four trying to hold back laughter as he responded. "I'm sure you did."

"I think I broke something." Tris groaned.

"You broke something? Look at my nose!" Will complained in response.

"Who cares about that you guys! My freaking nail is broken. Look at that!" Christina held her hand up in disbelief. I started to laugh but had to stop short at the pain in my ribs.

"What did you think you were doing anyway?" Eric asked, he seemed annoyingly smug with himself.

"It was a joke." Christina huffed.

"You thought trying to kidnap someone would be funny?"

"We said it was a joke." I winced. "We didn't say it was a good one." The rest of them let out a laugh and then all stopped to groan in pain.

"Well I hope it was worth it then." Eric spoke condescendingly "By the way," He called over his shoulder as he exited the room, "The lot of you can forget about dinner tonight."

We all let out another groan.

Four just laughed.

Which leads us back to now. Scoffing our faces and occasionally letting out cries of discomfort.

"Seriously guys." I grimaced. "I'm sure he punctured a lung."

"Yes Chace." Will agreed sarcastically. "Your consistent breathing would support that theory."

"Hey!" I glared defensively. "No one likes a know it all."

"No one likes a whiner." He teased back.

"No one likes your face."

"Guys. Quit it." Christina snapped. "Need I remind you of my nail."

"No one cares about your nail!" I yelled.

"And no one cares about a whiner!" Will agreed.

"Well no one cares about your face!"

"Am I the only one getting dizzy from this conversation?" Al asked Tris.

"Just nod and agree." She responded. "It's what I do most the time."

And that's pretty much how our morning interactions went. A lot of complaining, a lot of disagreements on who had it worse off, you know, the usual.

* * *

Later that day Four took us through a lot of theory to do with weaponry, more specifically knifes.

"You'll need to pay attention because we're doing a practical on this tomorrow." He ordered as he showed us various knives, how to hold them, what they were made of, the different shapes, and different stances in which to throw.

After lunch we were back to hand to hand combat. I had already passed my fight with an amity boy. It was easy because the kindness that his faction spent drilling into him all his life meant he struggled with hurting me, something I unfortunately took advantage of.

"Hey I'm Peter." One of the Erudite guys introduced himself to me as I watched the others fighting on the mats.

"Chace." I replied shaking his hand in greeting.

"I saw you fight. You're pretty good." He complimented me.

"Thanks." I smiled. "You're not bad yourself." He was better than not bad, he was one of the best. The day I was pitted against him would be the day I was scared. Not that he would beat me, which he probably would, but the hardness in his eyes made me wonder how far he was willing to take it to win.

We continued watching the fights as they progressed and everything was going fine until it was Als' turn.

I wasn't mad that Al got beaten in his fight; no what pissed me off was the fact that the guy continued to hit Al even while he was unconscious and didn't look to be stopping anytime soon. Both Eric and Four just watched not saying anything.

"Stop!" I shouted when I couldn't take it any longer. "He's had enough." Both Eric and Four turned to me but it was Eric who responded.

"It's enough when I say it's enough." He gave the boy on the mat a nod to continue but when the boy raised his fist to give Al another blow I ran on the mat and threw my body in between the two. If I had to get up and stop the fight myself I would.

"Get out of the ring." Eric's voice was hard when he spoke.

"No."

Eric nodded to the boy again and I turned around just in time to duck the oncoming fist. I raised my hands in preparation to fight. He did the same. We circled each other. I was careful to lead him away from Al's body. The boy charged for me but I was too quick. I ducked out of his way and he went tumbling off the mat. He grunted before jumping back up. I continued moving round the ring, dodging every punch he threw. The guy was fast considering his size but I knew I could wear him out. He was already showing fatigue. Considering his size I knew even my strongest punch wouldn't knock him out, just hurt my fist- which I really didn't need. I needed to incapacitate him as quickly as possible. But how? Well I knew _how_ but I didn't want to fight dirty.. at the same time, if I let this go on too long I was sure to misstep. I ducked under another right swing, tilted left to his next punch, jumped back from his kick but Fuck. I did not see the other fist coming until it was too late. I didn't feel it hit -thank god- but the lights definitely went out.

* * *

*Later that day*

I woke up to a pounding headache.

"Fuck." I groaned grabbing my head.

"Chace, you alright?" I heard Al's voice from next to me. I nodded in response.

"Hey Lexi she's awake." He called.

I heard footsteps approach.

"Hey Chace, my names Lexi." She introduced herself. "I'm the nurse here, you're in the infirmary."

Her voice was soft and sweet, something that was strange to hear in dauntless.

"Mmhmm." I nodded again. God I felt nauseous. My head was spinning.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

"Nnhnn." I shook my head this time.

"I'm gonna need you to sit up a bit." She said so I tried my best to wiggle up the bed. "Good girl." I could hear the smile in her voice.

She handed me some pills to take and a glass of water telling me it would help. Then left to grab another icepack to help the swelling around my eye go down. When she left I opened my eyes again to see Al. His face was all a mass of bruising, cut lips and swelling and his left wrist was bandaged.

"Hey are you alright?" I asked suddenly remembering what had occurred before now.

"Yeah I'm fine." He smiled in return. I suddenly felt bad. Gee, here I was acting like a baby cause of a headache. I just took a knock to the head, he'd gotten beaten so much worse. "Thanks' to you."

"No don't thank me." I replied guiltily. "I should have stepped in sooner."

"You took on Aaron for me." Al responded. "I don't know anyone who would willingly get in a ring with that freak and I wouldn't have expected you to. The fact that you did, is a big deal. So accept my thanks. "

I looked at him to make sure he was genuine before grinning. "You're right. That guy is a freak. _it was pretty amazing of me_."

"Phew." Al laughed. "I was worried the hit to the head might have affected your personality but I think it's safe to say you're fine."

The pills kicked in fast and the pain in my head left. I had the mother of a bruise on my face though. If I was a more vain person it would actually be quite concerning.

"At least we match." Al spoke from beside me looking at his face.

"Yes. Uniformity is what we were after all along." I nodded my head in agreement.

* * *

When Al and I entered the hall at dinner we were greeted to Tris, Christina and Will waving enthusiastically.

"There they are!" Christina exclaimed.

"And as pretty as ever." Tris compliemtned smiling at me.

"Yes I like to think the purple brings out the colour in my eyes." I batted my lashes dramatically.

"Yes and the swelling just adds another dimension to the look." Will agreed. We all laughed.

I saw Eric from the corner of my eye. I could feel him staring at me but I didn't look up. As far as I was concerned, he could jump in a big fat hole and die.

"So what are the rankings like?" I asked grabbing some bread rolls and piling it on my plate.

"I'm still below the line." Tris frowned. "But I have jumped 5 spaces so it's progress I guess." That put her at 31.

"That's awesome Tris!" Al patted her back. "You'll be top 10 in no time. Did you happen to see where I was?"

"You were 18." Christina smiled. "Not too bad considering."

I didn't want to ask for mine, the fact Bee hadn't bought it up meant Eric had deducted a lot of points. I was picking at the bread roll in my hands nervously before I sighed loudly preparing myself. "And mine?" I asked looking at Tris.

She frowned a little before hesitantly replying. "It's so ridiculous and unfair." The others nodded their heads in agreement. "He's put you at 38."

I let out a bitter laugh. He was un-fucking believable.

What? Getting smashed in the face wasn't punishment enough?

Fuck him.

"Hey don't sweat it." Will grabbed my hand encouragingly. "You'll make it back up. There's no doubt."

"That's not the point." I shook my hand from his grasp. "This isn't a fucking game! It's our lives he's messing with."

This time I did look up to meet Eric's eyes. He was staring, his face emotionless. I rolled my eyes. Fuck I couldn't even stand to look at him. I stood up

"Hey you didn't eat anything." Tris went to grab my hand.

"Yeah well suddenly, I'm not hungry." I responded before walking out.

* * *

An hour had passed. I sat with my feet dangling over the chasm throwing rocks into the abyss listening to how long it took for it to hit the ground.

I heard footsteps approaching but didn't turn around.

"You need to eat."

I rolled my eyes. Not that Eric could see. Ignoring him I picked up another rock and let it fly.

1,2,3,4, _splash_.

His footsteps got closer and I saw his figure at the corner of my eye.

"Ignoring me won't help you."

I picked up another rock and threw it keeping my silence.

1,2,3,4, splash. Eric didn't say anything but when I picked up another rock and went to throw it he grabbed my wrist.

"So what?" He asked, "I hurt your feelings and in retaliation you're going to sabotage your training by ignoring me?"

"I'm not the one sabotaging anything!" I yelled affronted. "You're the one abusing your power. 38? How the fuck can anyone manage that drop in 1 day."

"The drop was a lesson." He glowered. "One that was obviously lost on you."

"Please." I scoffed. "I understood the message loud and clear. You're the boss, and you can do whatever it is you want."

He gave me an annoyed look before responding

"The lesson is to stop interfering in matters that don't concern you. You can't protect everyone and you need to stop trying. You need to break that habit or it will get you killed."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I glared.

"Yes you do." He responded. "And you need to accept good advice when you hear it. I am your leader. I am trying to help you. Nothing more, nothing less." He shoved a bag I didn't know he was holding into my hands. "Now eat."

I watched his back disappear round the corner and looked inside the bag.

Food. Not just food, there was also brownies in the bag. I loved brownies.

Fine. I guess I was hungry.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, true to his word, Four gave out knives and we put what we learnt yesterday into practice. Both Four and Eric walked around the room, giving one on ones with us all, showing us how to better improve. I prayed Four would reach me first but typically, I got Eric.

"When you follow through your arm has to be completely parallel to the floor." He critiqued lifting my elbow a little to show what he meant. He was standing directly behind me, the front of his chest and abdomen touching my back. I tried not to stiffen at the touch.

I still wasn't over yesterday. Yes I understood why he did it, but that didn't mean I was over it.

"You need to loosen your grip as well." He spoke his fingers brushing over my knuckles. "You're holding it too tightly, it's interfering with the speed in which you release it." His hand then gripped my wrist. "And your wrist. It has to bend with your throw. We're close to the target so the quicker your knife spins the better." His advice was good and straight to the point and if I didn't hate him, I would have been happy with the criticism. Instead I just wished he would leave.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes sir." I responded keeping my voice as flat as possible.

He stood behind me longer then I thought was necessary before sighing and moving on.

I don't know what happened between me and the next few people but Eric seemed to be in a very sour mood.. more so then usual anyway.

He was yelling orders and had no patience, glaring and glowering whenever someone did something wrong.

"Everyone stop!" I heard him shout. Everyone paused what they were doing and turned to see what was going on. "It seems you all need to learn that orders are meant to be followed. Stand in front of the target." He was talking to Al.

Al shook but moved forward, doing what he was told.

"Now you're going to stand in front of that target while Four throws knives at you, and if I see you flinch, you're out." I watched worriedly as Al tried his best to stay still, I feared he would flinch when Four threw the knife and not only be out but get himself impaled in the process.

I went to interfere. I couldn't watch him go through this, damn the consequences. I stopped short though when Tris' voice rang out instead.

"Stop!" She demanded. We all turned to look at her but she was staring at me. She nodded her head reassuringly. "Anyone can stand in front of a target, it doesn't prove anything."

"Then you'll have no problem taking his place." Eric replied .

She gave me a small smile before confidently taking Als' place.

I glared at Eric the whole time Four threw the knives and Eric glared right back, daring me to say something. He egged Four on, telling him to aim closer. He was trying to get me to react but his words from the previous day had me biting my tongue.

"That's enough." He finally called and Four paused. I turned to look at Bee who had her hand touching her ear. Blood. Just a knick but still. From the look Bee was giving Four I could tell she blamed him, I on the other had blamed it entirely on Eric. With that thought I stormed out of the room.

"I didn't say you could leave initiate." He barked but I didn't look back. I'd deal with the penalties later, what's the worse that could happen? Dropping to 40? Big fucking deal.

I had never disliked someone so much.

* * *

After lunch we went back to hand to hand combat. I'd already finished my fight and Peter had as well so we were standing together observing the others. Unfortunately Bee hadn't won her fight so she was lying unconscious on the bench again. I had moved her there when Eric had left the room for 5 minutes. When he had come back he saw her there and a scowl crossed his face but he didn't say anything.

When he did finally approach me he spoke, "I'll deal with you after this lesson. I want you waiting here. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir." I nodded my head.

"Why do you never listen to what he says?" Peter asked once Eric had moved on. "He'll make your life miserable otherwise."

"Because it's not right." I argued. "This is supposed to be training. Not torture."

"It's only torture if you're weak." He chuckled in response.

I looked at him in disgust. What kind of person thinks like that? "What?" He raised his hands up in defence.

"How can you say that?" I asked my voice rising.

"Because it's true." He shrugged.

"Torture's torture, it doesn't matter how strong you are!" I could see Eric from my peripheral turn his head at my outburst. Probably to tell me to shut my big mouth and focus.

"It's us or them. Someone has to suffer. Besides, a little pain never hurt anybody." He argued.

That statement made my blood run cold. I'd heard that line before. I wondered if my face looked as sick as I suddenly felt because Peters' smirking face suddenly changed to concerned.

"Hey look I didn't mea-" Peter went to defend himself but I was done hearing what he had to say

"-You know what? …Don't talk to me." I whispered turning away.

_Drip drip drip_. _God what was that sound? Did anyone else hear that? _

"Come on, don't be like that." He made to grab my arm but I jerked it from his grasp.

"You make me sick!" I gasped out. _Oh my god is that blood? I looked at my hands, they were covered, my body was covered.. and the ground. All the blood was seeping closer. Where was it all coming from? It's everywhere, I don't know what to do._

I moved my feet trying not to step in it but it was coming closer.

"Please I wa-" Peter raised his hand, probably to placate me in some way..

"-Don't touch me! " I choked out before running out of the room. I was blinking rapidly trying to clear my vision. This isn't real. This isn't real.

I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get out of here. I felt like I couldn't breathe. His words were ringing in my ears_._

_Someone has to suffer. Besides, a little pain never hurt anybody._

I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't have what it takes. I wished Bee was here. She knew how to calm me down when I got like this.. but she wasn't here. No she was lying unconscious on a mat because I let someone beat the shit out of her. I sat by and watched and did nothing. That's how much of a great friend I am. God why would she even want to help me now? She should just let me suffer. Let me feel alone because in the end I was wasn't I? Alone.

_No stop thinking like that._ I scolded myself. You're fine, you're okay. You have Bee. She will never leave you.

But where is she now?

Lying on that bench, that's where.

God.

Is this all there was in dauntless? My friends unconscious or in hospital, and everyone else sadistic bastards?

Fighting like this every morning, watching my friends suffer, I didn't have the stomach for this.

I could hear foots steps following me. I turned around assuming it was Peter and was about to tell him to go fuck himself, instead it was Eric. I held my tongue but turned and continued on my way, picking up my pace.

"Initiate." Eric called. I ignored him. His footsteps picked up too and I could tell he was gaining on me. "Chace!" He called again when it was obvious I wasn't stopping. His use of my name almost had me turning around. That was the first time he'd used it.

"Leave me alone!" I choked back. Honestly, I was surprised I was able to say anything. Was it just me or was there suddenly no air in this place?

"Stop." He commanded and I listened. I don't know whether it was because of him or more the fact I was on the brink of passing out. I didn't feel him grab me but I was pressed against a wall now and he was standing in front of me, blocking me in.

"Breathe." He ordered, his voice left no room for argument.

"I'm trying." I gasped out. He placed his hand on the back of my neck and I felt him apply pressure. "You need to try harder." Using his other hand he grabbed mine and placed it over his chest. "Feel that? Match you're breathing to mine." I watched my hand on his chest as it rose and fell with every breath he took. I did my best to follow. "That's it." He whispered.

I don't know how much time passed but my breathing slowed to a normal rate and I was finally able to process oxygen.

"Parks!" A voice called from down the corridor. I looked over and Tris was running towards me, tears in her eyes, her face full of worry. I felt the heat of Eric leave me as he took a step back. My hand dropped from his chest.

Tris crashed into me wrapping both arms around me. "Thank god you're alright." She sobbed into my neck. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there."

"It's fine Bee."

"No it's not!" She cried. "I'm meant to protect you. That's my job."

"It's fine Bee." I repeated. "I'm fine."

She lifted her head to meet my eyes but I glanced away.

"Parks." She whispered getting me to look at her. Tears welled in her eyes again and I knew what she saw. "If you're fine, why are there shadows in your eyes?"

"Don't" I whispered back.

"Is everything alright here?" Four's voice rang out. We both turned in surprise.

"Everything's fine." Tris bit out turning to glare at Four.

Fours face hardened but he didn't have time to say anything as Tris grabbed my hand and stormed off. I turned back in time to see Eric and Four discussing something, both their eyes were on us as we left.

"Still mad about the knives?" I asked

"Of course!" She cried indignantly. "I can't believe you even have to ask!"

"It was Eric that made him do it." I reminded her.

"I know, but Eric was doing his job! " I disagreed but didn't say anything. In my head Four was doing his job, it was Eric who was out of line.

"And Four was..?"

She was quiet for a while before I finally heard her mutter, "Four was supposed to look out for me." And there it was.

I knew Four and Bee were getting close but hearing her confirm it made me smile. I actually liked Four. He was strong yet safe, confident yet caring, smart but still understanding, something Eric could probably use a lesson in.

Four would be amazing for her

"Can we not talk about him anymore?" She ended up sighing. "He's an ass."

"Four? Wait till you get on Erics bad side."

"It didn't look like you were on his bad side when I walked in." She gave me a smirk. I rolled my eyes.

"I was about to die from suffocation, what was he supposed to do?"

Bee went serious at that comment.

"What was it about?" She asked quietly. "Can you remember what triggered it?"

"Something Peter said.. it just.. just reminded me of that ah.. time." I took a shaky breath.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

I thought about it but declined. "Maybe another time. Talking never seems to help, I feel like it makes it worse." Bee just nodded her head in agreement. She always knew when to push and when to let it go.

"Come on." She grabbed my hand. "Let's grab something to eat."

* * *

That night I didn't sleep. The dark felt so claustrophobic. All I could hear was that voice '_someone has to suffer, a little pain never hurt anybody_. '

I usually averaged 2 hours of sleep a night but after tossing and turning I realised I would never get to sleep. Quietly I made my way out of bed. It must have been 2 in the morning. The place in this section was quiet but I could hear people talking and music still pumping in the pit. I didn't go that way, I wasn't sure if we were allowed out of bed, I did know we weren't allowed outside though.

Knowing that I still snuck out of an open window. The cool wind felt nice on my skin, I didn't realise how hot I was. I quietly made my way over to a wire fence, there was a massive field on the other side and in the distance I could see a forest. I followed the wire fence looking for some way out, when I finally spotted an area where the wire had lifted off the ground I bit back my squeal of delight. Lifting at it a little more and digging slightly under it I managed to crawl though. I made my way across the field towards the trees. I loved the forest. I loved outdoors. It was the amity blood in me. I found a massive tree just asking to be climbed and with my heart pumping, scaled the tree.

When I got to the top I finally felt free. It was easier to breath up here, easier to think. I didn't realise how trapped I felt before. Up here with the scent of the forest, the caress of the breeze, the wide open space I finally found that peace again. I stayed out for a couple more hours before finally heading back. I could tell from the level of darkness it was about 4 in the morning. I snuck back under the wire and jumped through the window. I was halfway through the corridor when a door further down opened and Eric came out. I froze. I held my breath and prayed he wouldn't turn this way but he did, when he saw me standing there he stopped. His eyes travelled the length of me pausing on my dirt covered top, then again at the rip in my jeans. His face hardened at the sight.

"And what exactly are you doing out at this time?" He questioned , his jaw clenched in annoyance.

"I was just.. Uh I went to." I gestured behind me not really knowing what I was talking about. "I had a headache so I was looking for the nurse." I finished lamely.

"And you thought she was outside?"

"Umm.. " I hesitated. "Well I didn't really know where to look." God. Even an idiot would know she wasn't outside. I didn't know what was worse. Him thinking I was the worst liar in the world, or him thinking I was the dumbest idiot in the world.

"And how is your head now?" He asked even though it was clear he didn't believe me

"Better." I nodded.

"Good," He finally said. He opened his mouth to say something else but cut himself off and gave an exasperated sigh instead "go back to your room."

I nodded again.

I hurried back to our room and just as I walked in I saw Tris about to grab her boots.

"There you are." She whispered when she saw me.

"What are you doing up?" I asked. Tris was a sleeper, it was odd for her to be up this early.

"I thought if that offer was still there, you could take me through some training. Would that be alright?"

"Do you even need to ask?" We both made our way out of the room together.

"Wait." I stopped her checking both ways to make sure no one was coming.

"What are you doing?"

"I ran into Eric on the way back before. He sent me to our quarters so I need to make sure I don't get caught out again."

"Where'd you go anyhow?"

"I went out for a walk.

"Did you sleep at all tonight?"

"Meh." I responded shrugging my shoulders. "I found me a spot to think though."

"Well I'm glad you're back." She replied but when I heard the relief in her voice I gave her a strange look. That was an odd thing for her to say and a strange way for her to say it. She quickly looked away though so I let the comment slide.

I took Tris through some of the moves she had forgotten, and gave her tips and techniques to improve her fighting style.

I saw Four walk through as Tris was practising on one of the punching bags. He didn't say anything but he watched her intensely as he passed.

We continued practising, and it was just coming up to 6 now. We had moved back onto the mats to start fighting again.

"Bee you're thinking too much, just move."

"I don't want to accidently hurt you." She frowned.

"Seriously?" I asked incredulously, raising an eyebrow at her. "It takes a lot to hurt me, you remember that right?"

"Yeah I guess." This time she did come at me, fast and hard. She grabbed my arm, twisted and had me tumbling over her shoulder. She executed the flip perfectly and I was on my back, her knee to my throat. The wind got completely knocked out of me in the process.

She quickly clambered off me while I gasped for air.

"How could you do that to me Bee!" I cried out.

"I'm so sorry!"

"You hurt me! You've really hurt me."

"I didn't mean t-"

"-The paaaaaain." I rolled on the floor. I could see her narrow her eyes at me before she kicked me in the ribs.

"You're an egg. I thought I really hurt you!" She continued trying to kick me as curled up trying to stop the abuse. "Do you feel sore now? Huh? Huh?" She kicked me again.

"Okay! Okay!" I laughed. "Stop! It was just a joke!"

After we calmed down I winced rubbing my throat.

"Fuck seriously though, didn't see that one coming. Your moves were flawless. I think you actually did bruise my throat." I grimaced.

"Sorry." Tris smiled sheepishly.

"Don't be. You did good. You'll kick ass today Bee, I know it."

She had improved so much since yesterday even I was surprised by how fast she was picking the moves up. We finished up and started packing away the stuff we used.

"Go shower." I told her, "I'll finish up here."

"Are you sure?" I nodded in agreement. "I'll meet you at breakfast then." She smiled.

I sat on the mat and I watched her leave the room. Grabbing the water bottle beside me I took a big gulp. I just finished swallowing when Eric's voice came out from behind me.

"You're right, she did do good." Jumping up I turned around. Eric had obviously come in some time during the fight.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Could ask you the same thing. When I told you to head back to your room, this training centre wasn't what I had in mind."

" I'm sorry." I looked down apologetically.

"Don't be. You're allowed to train. You aren't allowed outside past curfew though. So don't let me catch you again."

I nodded my head in affirmation. His eyes narrowed at my response.

"What is it with you?" He asked. "Why do you seem to follow orders so well on your own yet in public? A whole other story"

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't even realise I was doing it. We stood in silence, him looking into my eyes, what he was trying to see I didn't know.

"Go." He spoke. "Get yourself something to eat."

* * *

Four took us out for a morning jog around the dauntless compound. Being outside with the sun beating down on my face felt so refreshing. We slowed as we approached other dauntless soldiers.

"What do we have?" I heard four ask.

"Factionless." They pointed out the group of people huddled under a bridge. "They don't seem to be doing anything though."

"Keep an eye on them." Four commanded before taking off on a jog again. I slowed looking at the factionless faces. So many of them. Did anyone look familiar? Probably not. A few stared back as I walked past but I couldn't tell whether it was curiosity or recognition making them do it. I started jogging to catch up with the rest of the group. Tris was talking to Four as they jogged. I didn't know what they were saying to each other but Four was wearing a scowl and Bee looked just as angry. I kept my distance. Whatever they were talking about was between them I didn't want to accidently hear anything I shouldn't.

"Chace." A hand came out of nowhere and grabbed my arm causing me to jerk backwards a bit.

"Peter what the hell." I asked yanking my arm back. He almost gave me a heart attack.

"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't." I lied hoping he hadn't seen me jump. How embarrassing.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"If this is about yesterday, I'm over it already."

"I still want to apologise. It was stupid of me to say."

"No it's fine.. I over reacted a little… Though I still think you're a douche."

He snorted. "Let me prove you wrong."

Peter and I continued to talk and jog. It turned out he was actually a pretty funny guy… and maybe only a little douchey.

"That is not all Candors are good for!" I yelled indignantly.

"It is." He laughed back. "Name any other thing they've done in history to contradict that." He raised his eyebrows daring me to try. "Huh?" He put his hand to his ear when I paused to think. Fuck I couldn't think of anything. Candor was the one faction I really knew nothing about.

"Well fine, name one _likable_ person that's come out of erudite." I rebutted.

"Uhh. Hello? You have met me right?" He asked indicating his body for emphasis.

"I said likable."

"Ouch. Harsh." Peter winced. "Though I would argue, you don't have to be likable if you're smart."

"But being smart won't get you laid." I countered.

"Ooooh!" Peter let out a laugh. "You sure you're not meant to be in Candor?"

"I do-

"-What are you guys talking about." Beatrice interrupted joining me on my left.

"Oh nothing much. You alright?" I asked. She still looked annoyed from before.

"Yeah I'm fine." She shrugged. I knew she was lying but I let it go.

"Did you manage to find out where that hair salon was?"

Apparently there's an amazing hair stylist at a place called "Curl up and Dye" but we still hadn't managed to find it yet.

"No but I'm thinking of getting a tattoo instead. I just need to figure out how much they cost"

"Oh Peter's got one he can tel-" I went to indicate Peter but cut myself off when I realised he was no longer jogging with us.

"Oh he left a while back. Why were you talking with him anyway? He's so rude."

"He's not that bad." She gave me a 'yeah right' look in response.

"He's not!" I defended.

"Hey I didn't say anything!" Bee put her hands up "You do you Parks." That was always her response. We found out early on in our friendship that our opinions very rarely matched up so we just rolled with it now.

As we made our way back to the Dauntless compound I noticed Four kept looking over and he didn't look happy.

When we made it back to the Dauntless entranceway we all collapsed on the floor.

"Never again." I heard Christina cry.  
"I feel like my legs are jelly." Will complained in response.

Four began handing us out water bottles.

"Thank god." I groaned when I saw it. "I'm so fucking parched." Christina laughed next to me.

"Hey I've gotta go to the bathroom." Tris spoke getting up.

"What about your water?" I asked. Four was nearly up to us.

"Grab one for me." She responded before quickly making a dash for it. I noticed she kept as much distance between her and Four as possible going so far as to walk on the outskirts of everyone. Four watched her leave, the muscle in his jaw clenching in the process.

"Here." He handed me one bottle.

"Hey can I get an extra one fo-"

"No. If she wants one she can come grab it herself." He snapped before moving on.

Christina gave me a wide eyed look which I returned.

When Tris came back into the room she took a seat beside me again.

"Bee, he said you had to grab your water yourself." I told her. "But I saved you half of mine if you want it?" I handed her the bottle, it was more like 3/4s full but I thought she needed it more than me.

She looked angry at what I had to say about Four but smiled at the end. "Thanks."

Four narrowed his eyes when he looked over and saw Tris drinking from my bottle but he didn't say anything.

I looked up as bottle of water was shoved in my face. Eric was standing there with his arm outstretched offering me the drink. I didn't even realise he was in the room.

"Uh.." I responded confused. Was he offering me the water?

"I thought you said you were _fucking parched_."

"Yeah but I thought we were only allowe-"

"Look. Take it or leave it. Doesn't bother me either way." He growled putting it on the ground in front of me and walking off. Once again Christina and I shared a wide eyed look.

I quickly grabbed the new bottle opening it up and sculling it back. I actually was still thirsty.

"Kay breaks over." Four shouted. There were complaints all round as everyone was forced to stand on their already aching feet.

"You know what would be fun?" I heard Christina ask Will.

"What?"

"If you carried me." She spoke like the idea was the most exciting idea in the world.

We all let out a laugh.

"Yeah right."

"Yeah that doesn't sound fun at all." I shook my head at Christina. "Carrying me sounds so much more fun. Right Will?"

"You know what sounds even more fun than that? The both of you walking yourselves."

"I don't like the sound of that at all." I frowned at Christina.

"Yeah me neither. " She agreed.

"Men." Tris shook her head in disapproval.

* * *

We followed Four up a path to a long winding staircase to which -at the sight of- we collectively groaned.

"Stop with all the whining." Four ordered though I could tell he found it more amusing than anything else.

"Hey Will." I called as we started our climb. "You know what would be fun?"

"No fucking way." He responded causing us to break out laughing again.

By the time we got on the roof, we were greeted to a row of guns and mannequins with targets on them.

This was gonna be fucking awesome.


	4. Chapter 4

(FLASH BACK: 10 YEARS AGO)

I remembered the events so clearly. I was only 6 at the time and Chace was 14

I was lying on the ground. My shirt in tatters and my back felt like it was on fire. I was curled in a protective ball but it didn't stop the pain from the kicks.

I whimpered trying to make myself as small as possible. Anything to make the pain stop.

"Leave her alone!" Chace was screaming. I could hear her but I couldn't see her through the tears streaming down my face.

"Quit your whining." Paul, one of our captors growled as he gave me another kick.

I don't know when I blacked out but I when I woke up the sky outside was dark.

I was lying on my side facing the dying embers of the fireplace, the only blanket in the room placed gently over me. I turned carefully over making sure not to hurt my back.

"Hey Piglet." Chace whispered petting my hair. She didn't look good. She was pale.. so so pale. I thought she was getting sick.

It was winter but we only had this blanket and the ratty, hole filled clothes we were wearing. The room was icy cold, the windows were broken and the roof was leaking. We only had the heat from the fireplace but we were only allowed to put wood in it if the men in suits were here. Because they'd left hours before, the embers that burned wouldn't stay alive for long.

I touched Chace's lips. They were almost blue.

"Your cold Chacey." I whispered the air turning my breath into fog.

"You need the heat more." She smiled. "Turn back around. Don't let your back get heated." When she mentioned my back I saw the tears fill her eyes. "I'm so sorry." She cried wiping her eyes trying to hide the tears.

"It's okay Chacey." I tried to comfort her by wrapping my arms around her.

"It's not okay." She cried. "They whipped you and I couldn't protect you."

"You always protect me." It was true. Chacey had taken so many beatings for me. Her whole body was covered in scars and cuts from knives and canes and whips. She had bruises everywhere and I was certain she had a broken arm, it always laid limply at her side and she winced whenever she had to move it.

"It's my job to protect you piglet." And I hated myself because in my heart I still wanted her too. Every time those men came back my heart stopped beating, my blood ran cold and the fear I felt made me want to be sick. I wanted to be strong for Chacey but she could always see how terrified I was. When they pulled out there instruments I whimpered, closed my eyes and prayed they would take Chace instead of me. I was such an awful person. To this day, the guilt still eats at me. I wanted to be strong like her but the suffocating terror choked me every time.

And Chace, because she was so brave, always volunteered to go first and take the majority of what they dished out. By the time they got to me they just hit me a little, cut me a little, injected me a little; but that was it. Even then Chace usually begged for them to stop.

Today was the worse it got for me. Chace usually took the whippings but when they came for her she couldn't even bring herself to stand. We weren't being fed properly, they'd shove mouldy slices of bread in to our room every four days and if we were lucky, half a tin worth of water, water we usually had to suck up from the floor because they just threw it anywhere. I was always so hungry and Chacey always gave her portion of food to me. I didn't realise how weak she was from doing it because I was too stupid and naïve to understand that if I was eating her food, what the hell was she eating? If I could go back and slap myself I would.

When she couldn't stand that day, they came for me instead and I couldn't help it.

I cried.

I cried loud and hard and I screamed that I didn't want to go.

The look on Chaces' face made me want to take it back but I couldn't. She looked so distraught and devastated with herself. She thought she failed me.

I stopped counting the lashes after 20. With Chace they usually didn't go this far but they were angry at my outburst.

When they shoved me back in the room with Chace I couldn't stop crying which made them even madder, that was when they started kicking me.

"Chacey you are my protector." I tried to sooth her. "But today I got to protect you."

When she continued to weep I spoke again, words I thought would make her feel better. "You can protect me tomorrow Chacey."

Some time passed before Chaces' sobs finally subsided.

"Turn back around piglet." She whispered again.

I did what she said and snuggled into the warmth of the fireplace. Chace was behind me, her arm wrapped around me to keep me warm but she left a space between herself and my back so I wouldn't be in pain. "Sleep. I'll watch over you." She murmured.

"Are you cold Chacey?" I whispered as the time ticked on, the embers were basically out, but they managed to let off the faintest glow, luckily I had the blanket wrapped snuggly around me. "Chacey do you want some blanket?" I spoke a little louder this time. When she didn't respond I craned my neck to look over at her. Hey eyes were closed and her face was still.

Completely still.

Her lips were blue and her skin was pale and she did not move. "Chacey?" My voice cracked as I tried to sit up. The arm that was wrapped around me fell limply to the floor.

I touched her face. It was ice cold. "Chacey." I shook her trying to wake her up. "Chacey please wake up." My voice trembled. Tears fell from my eyes.

"It's okay." I sniffed wiping my tears. "You'll be alright." I did my best to drag her closer to the fireplace. The warmth of it was practically gone so I wrapped her in my blanket. "I'll get you heated up in no time. Don't worry. I'll watch over you tonight." I encouraged hoping she would hear me.

I sat beside her, rubbing her back trying to instil warmth into her. I listened to the rain outside pitter patter against the roof. _Drip, drip, drip._

I didn't know how much time passed but I eventually fell asleep and when I woke the next day Chaces body was gone. I stood up and glanced over the room in the hopes that my eyes deceived me but it was true. She was gone.

And I didn't even say goodbye.

That was the day my Chace stopped existing.

(END FLASHBACK)

* * *

(4 DAYS LATER)

_Someone has to suffer, a little pain never hurt anybody_.

I opened my eyes and stared into the darkness. Everyone else slept, their light snores filling the air.

I tried to slow my mind, tried to stop thinking but I couldn't.

This was not good. Fifth day without sleep.

I could usually go a day, maybe two, with no sleep and be fine but this was getting dangerous. I didn't feel the physical strain so much as the mental. What made it worse was knowing we had gun practise again today. I didn't want to hold that much power in my hands when I wasn't sure how lucid I was. I knew I hadn't done anything too crazy yet because Tris would have bought it up but I thought it was only a matter of time.

There were already massive gaps in my memory, one moment I'd be fighting in the pit, the next second I'd be walking down a corridor by myself. I'd be sitting on the bed with Tris and Christina, then find myself eating in the cafeteria.

I was running on auto pilot.

There was one thing in particular though that made my stomach turn.

Earlier today Eric and I were passing through the hall when he grabbed my arm.

"Remember what I said" He muttered irritably into my ear.

"Uh.." I tried not to look confused

"One more time and you're cut. I meant it."

My heart stopped at that. Fuck. What had I done?

"Do you understand?" His grip on my arm tightened.

I nodded my head, I didn't know what else I could do.

His lip rose in a smile but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Good." He replied before letting my arm go and walking away.

I hadn't talked to him since. I was almost afraid to.

I finally got out of bed, got dressed and went outside. Lights out for us was always at 10 so I usually waited a few hours, for everyone to fall asleep before leaving.

I'd gone back to that tree every night now and that's where I was heading again. Being in this claustrophobic room I knew I would never sleep but outside? With all that open space, I was atleast able to almost drift. However because I was at the tree that night I obviously didn't know Eric had done a random room check and found I wasn't there.

I shook Tris awake. It was 4am

"Time to train." I whispered.

"Okay I'm up." She yawned. She started getting changed before asking, "You been up long?"

"Maybe an hour?" I shrugged. I didn't want her worrying I wasn't sleeping again.

I also woke Christina, Al, and Will up.

When Tris and I had started training they had all asked to tag along so it had become some kind of group training session/goofing around time.

It was something I had gotten into a disagreement with Peter over yesterday.

He thought it was ridiculous I was trying to help them.

(Flashback)

"Because they're my friends."

"Yeah but you'll have to fight them eventually, and then what? It will become you vs them, someone will have to lose."

"I know that!"

"And you think that beating them won't affect your relationship?"

That comment made me feel sorry for Peter. He obviously had no idea how friendships worked.

"Peter, if any of us got paired together, we'd hope the best for each other but we still know we have to fight for ourselves. If I got paired with Christina today, I'd expect her to give it everything she's got and if I lost to her? Then great. That would mean that she's improved so much. I'd be proud of her."

"That's easy for you to say, you wouldn't lose to her and we both know it. What if she lost?"

"I know Christina. The only thing that would make her angry is me going easy on her."

He looked at me disbelievingly so I changed tactics.

"You and I, if we were in the ring, do you think I'd hate you if I lost?"

"You're different."

"Would you hate me?"

"Well of course not."

"Exactly." I pointed out. "I'd give it everything I had and I'd be absolutely insulted if you didn't do the same."

(End flashback)

* * *

We got to the training room and were running through a bunch of different routines.

"Duck!" I screamed at Al as Christina accidently let loose the arrow before she'd properly aimed.

Al managed to move his head just in time but it still clipped him on the side.

"Ow!" Al turned rubbing his head to look at us accusingly. "What the hell was that?"

"Apparently the bow and arrow is not Christina's forte." I replied before raising my hands in a 'go figure' sought of way.

"Hey I resent that!" Christina yelled defensively. "I'm actually very talented with it, I was simply testing Al's reflexes. Something he obviously needs to work on"

The haughty tone in which she spoke had me snorting.

"Oh is that how it's gonna be?" Al dared raising his eyebrows.

"Yes that's how it's gonna be!" Christina nodded her head aggressively in challenge.

"Bring it Christina!" Al tackled Christina to the ground. That's about the time when the training session stopped and the fun began. Before we knew it we were all piled on top of each other everyone in different holds trying to get the others to give up.

"Who's the master!?" Will cried as he had Tris in some kind of weird arm lock. She let out a yelp of pain.

"Ahh that hair is attached to a head you know!" Christina wailed.

"Stop standing on my hand!"

"Why is my back wet?!"

"Whose leg is this!"

"Get off my face!"

"No seriously guys, my back is wet!"

'Give up if you can't handle it."

"Oh I can handle it." Christina responded before jabbing her elbow into what I thought was Als stomach until Will gave out a grunt. Honestly though, the stomach could have belonged to any of us. We were all one painful giant pretzel at the moment. That was when a cough came from the entranceway.

"Peter?" I asked. He stood by the door awkwardly glancing between all of us. Everyone had stopped and all looked over as well. Tris had a frown on her face and Al and Will both glared.

Christina was the one who spoke.

"What do you want?"

"I was just uh.. " This was the first time I had seen Peter flustered and unsure of himself and I did my best not to laugh. He was always so arrogant; it was so strange seeing him like this. "I was wondering if, you know, like maybe you guys needed.." He coughed clearing his throat. "If anyone needed an extra sparring partner?" He finally managed to spit out.

Everyone turned to look at me and I smiled.

"Sure." I got up managing to disentangle my limbs with the rest of them. I grabbed Peters' hand pulling him into the room. His shoulders relaxed and he grinned at me.

"Now we have even teams." I beamed

It was amazing having Peter with us. He was an awesome fighter and had so much tips I hadn't thought of or didn't know of. My fighting technique was speed based, where Peter's was strength.

It was definitely better for Al to get knowledge on a different kind of fighting style because Peter was of a similar build.

I had on punching mitts well Will practised defence and counter, it worked out that I'd swing, he'd block then jab a few times, then I'd swing again. There were obvious variations as it went but it was all essentially the same.

_Left, left, cross , left, block, left, undercut, left, right hook , left. _

Whack!

I stumbled backwards. Fuck.

The room suddenly went quiet as the others that were sparring stopped. I shook my head.

Did I really just get hit.. by Will? He looked just as shocked as I felt.

"I'm so sorry!" He apologised. Christina and Al looked at me concerned. I didn't look at Tris. Fuck, if she didn't know before that something was up, she'd definitely know now.

"No it's fine." I mumbled.

No one was worried I was hurt. No, what had everyone concerned was how I managed to get hit completely off guard.

Even Peter gave me a weird look. I didn't blame him.

The fighting difference between Will and I was enormous, the fact he got a hit on me, completely head on, was unbelievable.

"I think I'm just going to sit down a bit." I cleared my throat. "You can practise on the speed bag."

Will nodded but then I saw his eyes flicker to the side of me. Turning around I saw Eric standing by the door. He didn't look happy.

"A word outside." He spoke before leaving and expecting me to follow.

* * *

Eric didn't say anything as we walked so neither did I. I didn't know where we were going but he led me up a set of stairs, through a twisting corridor I never knew existed, and down a ramp. After a few more turns we finally hit our destination. As he opened and walked through the entranceway I realised it must have been his office.

"Close the door." He spoke over his shoulder as he walked to his desk, sliding into an arm chair. I did what he said but I took my time. Fuck, if this was about what he pulled me up on earlier, I still had no idea what he was talking about. I had hoped to subtly bring it up to Tris or Christina in casual conversation and see if I'd mentioned anything to them. I thought I'd have more time than this though.

"Take a seat." He indicated to the chair in front of his desk. I wondered briefly if I could decline. I think I'd rather be standing so if I had to make a hasty retreat, I could. "I wasn't asking." He glared.

Shit. How did he know what I was thinking?

I sat down.

"Do you know why you're here?"

God why do people always have to start off with that? Honestly, I could think of several reasons why I was here. None of which, was good.

"No." I shook my head doing my best to look innocent.

"Where did you go last night?" He asked.

Okay that was not the question I was expecting.

"Umm.. last night?" I did my best to look confused.

"Yes last night."

"I'm sure I was in my room."

"Oh you were, were you?" He raised his eyebrows. " Because when I checked in at 2.30, your bed was empty."

I swallowed. Fuck.

"I was… um.. -"

"-trying to find the nurse?" His questioned sardonically.

"No. I was in uh.." I paused. Think! "the training room."

"Try again."

Double Fuck.

I took in a deep breathe. I didn't want to tell him but I obviously had no choice. It seemed he already knew anyway, more so just wanted it confirmed.

"I was outside."

His voice got quiet when he asked, "What did I say about going outside?"

I licked my suddenly dry lips, "You said not after curfew."

"And why do you think that is?" His voice was still soft, light, like he was asking the most innocent of questions. It was really starting to scare me.

"Because it's dangerous."

"Ahh so you did know it was dangerous huh?" This was not good. Definitely not good.

"Yes."

"Then what the fuck was going through your head?!" He shouted standing up and grabbing me by the collar of my shirt. I was awkwardly balanced over his desk, his face looming over mine. I grabbed his hand that was holding me in an effort to gain some kind of balance.

"I was wrong. I didn't think-." I tried to agree with him an attempt to pacify his anger.

"You're damn right you weren't thinking!"

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He asked incredulously before letting go of my shirt as he gave me shove. I stumbled backwards, landing in my seat again. "You think sorry is going to help you when you're out there and get taken by Rebels. When they force you into slavery? You think sorry is gonna help you when they decide a female's body is worth more to them alive than dead."

"No I didn't mean it like that I just th-"

"-The darkness is never a safe place to be!" He finally stopped and took a deep breath, I could see his fight to calm himself. "You know, I thought you of all people would know what can go wrong in the dark."

My eyes flashed to his. He knew.

The room was quiet again. He finally sat back down.

"You were out all night, only to come back and train with your little gang. When did you sleep?"

"Before I left." I lied.

He shook his head.

Fuck, how does he always know when I'm lying?

"Fine. I didn't." I looked down.

"Did you sleep the day before?" He asked. This time I didn't bother lying. I just shook my head.

"How long has this been going on?" He sighed. "Since the panic attack?" He guessed

I met his eyes this time before giving a slight nod of affirmation.

"Go shower, eat breakfast. I want you back here in half an hour. Do you understand? "

"Yes sir." I nodded as I opened the door to leave his voice rang out.

"And you can forget about firearm training today. You're off any further training activities until we find a way to get your sleeping patterns in sync."


	5. Chapter 5

I didn't think Dauntless would have a garden roof. The happiness I felt at seeing it was overwhelming. There were so many flowers, all of them different colours and scents. This was amazing. I'd never seen so much plant life in one area before.

"I can't believe this." I whispered in awe. I ran my hand over a hibiscus flower. It was my most favourite flower in the world though I'd only ever seen it once before.

Eric was leaning against a wall, watching me take in my surroundings.

I had arrived back in his office earlier that day and we discussed the different options to counter insomnia, all of which I refused. No I didn't want to take a pill, or get an injection, or breathe through a sleep inhalation device.

He was going to argue the point with me but when I started shaking my head, my breathing becoming erratic he dropped the subject.

"Have you tried counselling?" He offered instead. "Some people find it's better to talk."

I shook my head again. No. I didn't want some stranger knowing personal things about me. All my fears. All the weaknesses they could exploit.

Friends, I trusted.

Strangers? No.

"I have a question." I stated after we'd been sitting in silence for a while as Eric thought up another solution. He raised an eyebrow which I figured was his way of saying. 'Why yes Chase, you have a question? Please go right ahead and ask.'

"What do you know?" I finally blurted out what had been gnawing at me all morning.

"About your past?"

I nodded.

"As much as every faction leader knows. You were held by the rebels, escaped to live on the streets and then you were found by Marcus."

I frowned. I hadn't realised anyone other than Marcus, Margaret and Thomas knew. Seeing my confused expression he continued.

"Marcus may be head of government but he doesn't have complete autonomy. He doesn't have the authority to accept a factionless back into society."

"But I wasn't factionless. I was amity." I interjected.

"Which we know now. At the time you were just some street rat they pulled out of a gutter. It was only after a faction meeting was held that we found out you were the daughter of the late Jackson and Helen Farmer."

"Did you know my parents?" I asked hesitantly.

"Personally? No." He shook his head, "But I knew of them. Good people, fought for their beliefs."

"Some say they were zealots."

"One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter." He shrugged. "The victor decides the truth."

I wanted to ask more but when I opened my mouth to speak he cut me off.

"That's enough about your parents." Eric stood up. Great. Back to it then.

He had tossed around a few more ideas to deal with my sleep, all of which I nixed, one being that I should ask Peter to K.O me every night. That suggestion actually managed to wrangle a laugh from my throat. He smiled in return.

"Why do you go outside?" He asked eventually. I could see the wheels in his head moving.

I frowned, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why don't you stay in bed at night? What makes you leave? Is it the people, the noise, the darkness?"

"I'm not sure." I responded after some thought. "I guess it's the calmness of open space. Being inside all the time… sometimes I feel trapped."

Eric suddenly stood up. Whatever I said seemed to have given him an idea.

"Come with me." He offered his hand. I hesitated for a moment before I took it and he pulled me up.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he dragged me out the door.

"I want to show you something."

We turned down several corridors before we stopped at a door that had a pass code. He typed something in before turning the handle to which I was greeted to a flight of stairs. When we reached the top he pulled out another key and turned.

That was how we ended up here. In this amazing, beautiful sanctuary.

He was silent while I continued to explore, before finally interrupting my thoughts.

"Will this do?" He asked.

"What?" I turned around to question him.

"Will this do as a place to rest?"

My eyes widened in shock.

"You mean I can come here at night instead?" I asked disbelievingly.

He nodded his head, holding out the key for me to snatch.

I moved forward to take it from his grasp but abruptly became aware of how close I was actually standing to him. My breath got caught in my throat as I stared at him. He raised the key slightly between us and I wrapped my fingers around it. I didn't know if he was the one who stepped closer or if it was me but I definitely knew when I felt the heat of his chest touch mine. I was so close to him I could count the lashes of his eyes. I breathed in his scent. Leather and ice and something entirely Eric

Was his face moving closer to mine?

"But I thought I wasn't allowed outside?" I whispered. Or at least I think I did, I barely knew what I was saying. It's like all thought had left me.

"You'll be on the roof." He corrected. "Not outside."

That comment made me laugh and suddenly the spell was broken. He took a step back and I looked down at the key in my hand.

"Thank you."

That night, when I snuck out of bed and made my way to the rooftop I did fall asleep. It wasn't for long, maybe an hour and a half? But sleep was sleep. My brain had that opportunity to finally shut down and when I woke I felt great.

I sat up and stretched but when I looked down I was surprised to see a blanket on me.

I'd come up here with my pillow but since I hadn't actually expected to fall asleep I hadn't bothered with a blanket. The one that was now covering my lap looked unfamiliar to me but it definitely wasn't the ones we had in our bunker rooms. Was this from Eric?

The thought made me smile, and I didn't want to admit why.

* * *

Over the next few days Eric had actually become my preferred teacher. He wasn't always present during training but when he was, I always did my best to impress him.

He treated me like I thought a leader would but sometimes I wondered if he gave me special treatment over the others

Four wasn't in one of the days so Eric took the lesson. He was showing us moves on how to incapacitate an opponent without actually hurting them. Peter volunteered to be his first 'attacker.'

Eric was facing the other way when Peter tried to wrap his arms around him from behind.

"Like this my arms become useless." He spoke indicating them lying limply by his side. "There will always be something you can move though, in this case, obviously my legs." He stepped backward with force causing Peter to stumble back a bit and loosen his grip, Eric quickly used the opportunity to swing his leg out, tripping Peter. Peter was now lying on the ground, and Eric put him in a 'bow and arrow' hold. Peters right arm and leg was stretched behind him. "This stops them from being able to move." Eric explained. "And causes no pain unless.." He pulled a little harder and Peter was forced to stretch back further, he let out a noise of pain. Eric let go and the both of them stood up.

"Next?" Eric asked. A few more volunteered and Eric showed us more holds. Cobra clutch, hang man, scorpion leg lock, etc.

Eventually I put my hand up and Eric smirked.

But when he used a counter attack on me, instead of shoving me down with the same force of the others, I swear he pulled back at the last second. And when he wrapped his limbs around mine in a hold, he didn't do it as ruthlessly. He was on top of me now, his legs intertwined with mine.

"Do you tap out?" He murmured. It scared me because I recognised then that I really didn't want to. I felt comfortable under him but knowing others were watching I nodded my head.

He lifted his lips in a small smile standing up.

"Next?" He called. This time more hands flew up to volunteer, I noticed an unnecessary amount were girls.

I'd heard them talk about their infatuations with Four and Eric before but it had never bothered me. Now it took all I had not to glower at them.. something I knew I didn't succeed at when Eric shot me a grin.

* * *

"Nooo!" I squealed before I was yanked beneath the water.

We had been outside training all morning and the heat was getting ridiculous. Just when we thought it couldn't possibly get any hotter the sun would give us a giant 'fuck you' and burn brighter. Eric and Four had obviously felt some remorse for making us train out here because on our last lap around the compound they lead us through a different route and we came across an enormous lake.

"Guys I think I'm hallucinating from dehydration." Christina gasped out.

I laughed as Will waved his hand in front of his face while squinting his eyes. "My heart's telling me 'Believe' but my minds saying 'No'."

"Yes well if you're just gonna stand there all day looking pretty we might as well take you back indoors and you can work on theory for the rest of the day." Four said dryly.

We didn't need to be told twice. Everyone stripped down and jumped in.

It was a while later when we were all relaxing on the shore, Tris and Christina lazing about on a giant rock soaking up the heat. Will, Al and I had snuck up behind them and shoved them back into the water. With a shriek and a splash they climbed back onto shore and sprinted after us for revenge. I don't know when Will was caught but I heard him cry out before the sound of a body hit water.

Al and I continued together but I felt more than heard the thud next to me as Al slipped on a muddy patch on the bank. I turned to help him up, the girls were gaining on us fast but he threw a hand out dramatically "Go! Leave me. Save yourself!" he cried out.

I took off promising him I'd never forget his sacrifice.

I hear a wail and then a splash as Tris and Christina threw him into the water. _Great, two down one to go. _I thought as I ran a lap around the lake. Somehow Christina had come round from the opposite end of the lake and with Tris behind me I knew I was done for. I looked to my left and saw Peter talking with a few initiates on the bank. _Well if I'm going down I'm taken him down with me_. And before I could reconsider I gave a hard left. Peter, turned to me only to widen his eyes in shock as I tackled him into the water.

Tris and Christina followed closely behind.

There were no sides; it was all out initiate water warfare with people trying to dunk others while trying not to get yanked under themselves.

"It's so beautiful" I said. I was holding Eric's pendant in one hand watching the sunlight reflect rainbows onto the ground. We'd been sitting on the side of the lake talking for I don't know how long. The rest of the gang were still fooling around in the water.

Tris had jumped on Four a while back and pulled him into the lake. He could have easily gotten out of her hold but he'd seemed more amused by her attempt than anything and had let himself be pulled under the water. When I glanced over to Bee I could see them still trying to dunk each other below. I smiled. Four was definitely good for her.

Realising the sun would be going down in a couple of hours the other's started getting out of the lake and getting dressed. Eric stood up. "I better head back" he said.

"Yeah sure." I replied trying to hide my disappointment as he turned to head back to the compound.

"Hey!" Tris said as she ran up with Al to grab their clothes. She was getting dressed when her eye's fell to my hand. "What's that?" she asked curiously.

_Crap._

"Eric!" I called as he walked away. He stopped and turned back. "You forgot this." I threw the pendant at him. He caught it in one hand before turning around and walking off.

Both Tris and Al turned to me fighting grins.

"What's with the faces?" I asked laughing.

"Eric?" Al raised an eyebrow. I felt a blush rise in my cheeks.

"And?" I narrowed my eyes daring them to make a deal out of it.

"Hey nothing." Al put his hands up defensively.

"You do you Parks." Tris laughed.

* * *

The gang and I were on kitchen duty. Initiates were usually rostered weekly and we were scheduled for that day.

"Pleeeeease." Christina pleaded her hands clasped tightly. "Vinyl Resting Place closes at 8 and todays the last day we can grab it." She wanted desperately to buy one of their records.

"We'll even work double the load tomorrow." Will added in the hope it would sway him. Eric remained unmoved by the gesture.

"If you wanted it, you should have grabbed it earlier " He responded calmly. "You knew you had kitchen duties today."

"Yes but-"

"Work." Eric glared. That shut them down.

The time ticked by and it was nearing 8 now. That was when Tris elbow me in the side and I let out yelp in pain. I held my rib glaring at her accusingly. What had I done now?

She gave me a look then indicated her head to Eric. What? I mouthed to her.

She gave me another look, then her eyes went to Christina, before looking pointedly to Eric again.

_Ooooh. _

I shook my head in negation but she glared and nodded again.

Seriously? She wanted me to ask Eric? I didn't know how that would help but fine. If it would make her happy.

_Fine. _I mouthed huffing aloud and standing up off the floor.

"So we were leaving at 7.50 right?" I asked walking up to Eric. "To head to the music shop?"

Eric just raised his eyebrow in a 'what do you think you're doing' sought of way.

I saw Christina and Will both raise their heads at the question. Before they both gave Eric pleading looks again.

He looked from them to glare at me so I batted my lashes innocently.

"You're meant to be here till 8." Eric responded flatly.

"But it was 8 when you let us go." Christina smiled encouragingly. "…remember?"

Tris and Al had crawled over and were kneeling before him begging desperately as well.

"Pleeeeease." We all cried out together.

"You guys are a serious pain in my ass." He scowled before saying, "Fine. Pack up your shit and get out of here. I expect you all to put in twice as much effort into your work tomorrow."

"Yay!" We all cheered in celebration. Eric just shook his head. We all quickly grabbed our coats and bags and filed out the door well Eric hit the lights and locked it behind us.

"Thanks!"

"Thank you!"

"You're the best!"

They all yelled as they began departing.

This was when I did something completely mortifying. I don't know why I did it, but I turned to Eric gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thanks!" I grinned before I realised what I'd done. His expression looked equally as shocked. I quickly took a step backwards.

"I um .. I'm sorry.." I let out an awkward laugh before running off to catch up with the others. God, what was I thinking?

* * *

***A Week Later***

We followed Eric as he led us through a theme park.

It was one of our field day practical assignments. We'd played a few so far.

Capture the flag; where you obviously had to capture the other teams flag, Locate and destroy; where we had to infiltrate the enemy bases and take down all their 'servers,' Hostage pursuit; where one person on each team was taken and had to leave clues for the other members to find them etc.

These were always the best exercises. Where we got to use real life strategies and tactics to win. The Dauntless born initiates participated too so the teams were massive, and it was an awesome and fun way to get to know them .

This time we were playing Team Wars: Death Match. We were all split into four teams. Eric and Four and the dauntless born instructors, Sonya and Carlos were the leaders of each team. As per usual Peter and I were on Erics' team, Tris and Will always got picked for Fours. The rest just got divided randomly.

In saying that, during the Locate and Destroy challenge Carlos had actually called my name out. The look he gave Eric showed he knew exactly what he was doing. Eric glared at him the whole time while Carlos fought to hold back a laugh. Even Four looked to be smiling at his antics until Carlos also chose Tris for his team. That wiped the smirk right of Fours face. The next day we saw Carlos and despite the fact he had a black eye and was walking with a limp, he had a large grin on his face. Sonya laughed when she saw him, "You are such a trouble maker!" She scolded him.

Four and Sonya handed out the paintball guns to everyone, the aim of this exercise was pretty straight forward. Shoot down all your opponents, last team standing wins.

Eric lead us to our teams starting point where we planned out the best way to go about winning. After 5 minutes the horn sounded meaning the game had officially started. We all split off into small groups.

We were 30 minutes into the game when Eric shoved me into an abandoned stall

"Don't move from this spot." Eric ordered as I heard gun shots in the distant.

"But-"

"I mean it Chace." He ordered before taking off. Great.

I heard more firing and footsteps running. I was getting antsy. There was so much going on and I had to wait here? Why?

I peeked over the desk I was bent behind and, there I saw Peter. He was shooting at someone but he didn't see the person behind him. "Peter!" I called but I knew it would be too late. Without thinking I ran out of my spot shooting the other person in the back. They fell to the ground in a huddle and Peter turned sighing in relief when he saw me.

"Thanks for that." He spoke. We took one of the tags off of the fallen person's belt. Everyone had 10 tags or 'lives' each.

"No problem." I smiled. My smile died short however when I saw Eric approach.

He did not look happy.

Scratch that, he looked pissed.

"I was jus-"

"What did I tell you?" He growled angrily stamping towards me.

"But Peter wa-"

"I don't care what Peter was!" He snapped. "I asked you what you were doing."

"Yeah and I'm trying t-"  
"No." Eric cut me off short. "You know what? I don't need an explanation." He ripped the lid off his red marker and dragged it across the patch on my shoulder. "You're done for today."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, looking at the red line, outrage clear in my voice. He just disqualified me? Seriously?

"Head back to camp."

"I can't belie-"

"That's an order!" He barked.

I went quiet for a moment trying to comprehend what was going on. I couldn't understand why he was so mad.

"Eric-"

"Head. Back. Now." He bit out through gritted teeth.

"Fine." I threw my gun on the ground and stormed away.

As I walked through the arena I was repeatedly stopped by Fours' Sonya's and Carlos' teams, their guns would be trained on me, that is until they'd see the red line on my uniform. Everyone looked shocked whenever they saw it but no one said anything, they just lowered their guns and let me pass. I was so humiliated.

I waited at camp by myself, thankfully not for long. Peter arrived after I'd been sitting there for 20 minutes stewing in my anger.

"Back already?" I asked surprised. He was covered head to toe in blue. I wondered briefly if maybe someone had dumped a bucket full of paint over his head. He was _literally_ covered.

"Yeah well, apparently running into the middle of enemy territory alone, with your gun raised in the air singing 'hit me with your best shot', isn't the way to go about winning." He shrugged his shoulders. "Who would have thought."

"You didn't!" My eyes widened in disbelief.

"Of course I did." He responded. "I wasn't going to let you wait here for god knows how long by yourself was I?"

* * *

The next person didn't return for another 2 hours so I was thankful Peter had left early to keep me company.

The final wave of people returned at 11pm, there was a lot of cheering, and clapping and celebrating. Erics team had won. I clapped for them as they returned but stopped short when I saw Eric. For being on the winning team he sure looked bitter.

Four returned covered in paint but wore the biggest grin on his face, walking next to Tris who also wore a goofy smile.

I didn't want to have to deal with Eric so I turned to the gang. "Hey I'm gonna call it a night." I spoke heading back to the cabins. I was on my way to one of the wash rooms to rinse my hands when someone grabbed me by the arm.

"The next time I give you an order I expect you to follow it. Do you understand me?" Eric snapped.

"Seriously?" I raised my eyebrows disbelievingly. "You're angry at me?"

"The way you behaved out there was out of order!"

"I could say the same for you!" I shouted back.

"I am your commanding officer!" Eric bellowed. "You will do as I instruct without question and you will follow the instruction to the T!"

"Even if it's completely insane?" I yelled back.

"Even if I asked you to stand in front of a moving bus! If I say jump, you fucking jump. I am a dauntless leader and you are nothing more than a first year initiate. Am I clear?"

I went to shout something back but then his words registered and I stopped myself.

Was he serious?

If I was nothing but a first year initiate then what was the point?

He was obviously beyond listening.

Obviously beyond caring.

And you know what?

So was I.

I swallowed back the anger I felt from the injustice of it all.

"Yes sir." I kept my voice as flat as possible.

His eyes flashed but he said nothing. Just released my arm and stormed back the way he came. I followed through to the bathroom, shakily washed my hands then headed to bed. I laid there looking at the roof. I didn't know why but all of a sudden I wanted to cry. I tried to hold it in but I kept replaying the fight over and over. I didn't know when the tears leaked from my eyes but I felt the bed dip beside me and Tris wrap her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"It's okay." She whispered rubbing my hair. She slept next to me that night and when I woke up at 3 I didn't move. I stayed there taking comfort in the fact Tris was beside me.

I didn't need Eric, I had Bee and she was all I'd ever need.

* * *

We were packing up all the equipment, loading it onto all the buses.

I was folding the tables up when footsteps approached. I didn't need to look up. I knew who it was.

"Can I have a word?"

"Yes sir." I smiled keeping everything I really felt under lock and key.

I followed him down the bird trail and when he decided we'd gone far enough to be out of hearing range he stopped and turned to me.

"Listen about last night." He started. "I-"  
"Yes you were right. I was out of line."

"No I was going to say-"

"That you're my leader and I'm an initiate and that's all there is to it." I interrupted helpfully. I saw the muscle in his jaw jump. "Trust me, I understood you perfectly." I smiled

"Chace-"

"Thank you for putting me back in my place, I needed it."

Eric looked pissed but so what? I was done.

So fucking done.

He went silent and so did I. A few minutes past, I could tell he was struggling with something to say.

"Was that all sir?" I asked when he remained silent.

His glowered but nodded in response, "Yes initiate. Go finish packing with the others."


	6. Chapter 6

3 days had passed since the war games incident.

I was going out of my way to avoid Eric, taking routes in the compound I knew he never walked, eating breakfast late and dinner early so I wouldn't be there when he arrived. When I knew he was rostered on to take one of our classes I'd find an excuse not to be present.

This was easy enough as, since we had to do a certain amount of hours in the security room, I'd write myself into a slot that coincided with his teaching.

The majority of the time I had been successful in my avoidance of him however I was cruely undermined when we sat waiting for Lexi - the nurse that was supposed to take our first aid class - but was instead greeted by Eric who was substituting her for that day.

I froze when I saw him walk through the door. Fuck.

He hadn't seen me yet, I wondered if he would notice if I tried to slip out the back door?

As if he somehow heard my thoughts his eyes hit mine, his face hardened when he saw me.

I thought he might say something to me then but he didn't, he jumped straight into the lesson.

When he finished showing us the techniques we repeated the process on dummies that had been given out.

I had my hands in a fist as I went through compressions.

When Eric finally came over he tried to move my hand positioning. On reflex I pulled back. I didn't want him touching me.

His lips tightened at my response.

"Your hands are too far up." He finally bit out.

"Yes Sir."

"And you need to apply more pressure."

"Yes sir."

"Sir can you show me where to press again?" Jayda a girl who -if she didn't have such an annoying crush on Eric, I might've actually liked- shouted over for help.

Eric turned to me for a moment before saying, "Continue for another 5 minutes then move onto bandage wraps."

"Yes sir."

I tried not to notice Eric helping Jayda but god she was annoying. She couldn't possibly find it that hard. Hard enough that she needed Eric to literally hover over her and physically place her hands on the centre of the sternum then show her how far the compressions were meant to be apart.

I tried my best to ignore her stupid hair flick, and the giggle that came from her throat.

Tris looked over at Eric and when she turned to me, gave me a sympathetic look.

That only annoyed me.

It meant that no matter how hard I was trying to pretend he didn't, Eric still affected me.

Stop it Chase.

You don't care.

He means nothing to you.

You mean nothing to him.

I took a deep breath. I had it under control.

That was until I heard a gasp and Jayda laugh out a "whoops!"

Without thinking I looked over and Jayda was lying sideways on the mannequin, facing the ceiling, Eric slightly on top of her. He'd managed to swing his arm out in time to catch himself but they were laying close. So close.

"I'm so sorry, my arms gave out." She smiled sheepishly giving him her best stupidly, sweet innocent eyes. She was so fucking fake right now it wasn't even funny.

"It's' fine." Came Erics reply but his face wore an obvious scowl.

When Eric went to pull himself off her Jayda's hand went out to grab him. He paused looking down at her. I really couldn't watch this. Getting up I made my way to the door.

Eric could do whatever the fuck he liked.

He owed me nothing.

Don't look back. I thought

Don't let him see that you're upset.

"Initiate!" Eric shouted but I already had the door flying closed behind me.

Okay so I wasn't over it.

There.

I admitted it.

I did have feelings for Eric.

But that only made it worse.

* * *

I was sitting on my bunker when Tris walked in.

"Hey." She smiled sadly when she saw me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I shrugged. Tris was a talker. When she had problems, I knew everything about it, every emotion she felt, every thought she had, every move she made and why she made it. I wasn't a talker. I was a 'sit in silence and stew in it until I no longer felt anything other than anger' kind of person. Anger was easy to deal with. Pain? Not so much.

Tris just nodded understandably. She wouldn't push. She never did. And I loved her for it.

"So.. "She began hesitantly. "Eric wants a word with you."

I glanced up at her trying not to glare. "What?" I asked in irritation.

"He said to tell you to meet him in his office at 1 and if you didn't show, he'd find you himself."

That was ridiculous.

* * *

I had just reached his office and was about to knock when the door swung open. Eric was standing there. What was he? Psychic?

"In." He ordered. I slid though the open door doing my best to put as much space between the two of us as possible, a feat that was actually quite difficult considering Eric chose to stand half way in the archway.

I took a seat in the chair across from his. He took a seat as well shuffling a few of the piled papers on his desk.

"You've missed the last four lessons with me. Would you like to explain why?"

"I had security duties sir." I responded.

"Of course security duties." He nodded like it was the most reasonable thing in the world. "I thought for a second you were trying to avoid me."

"Why would you think that sir?"  
He just smiled in response. A smile, I might add, that did not reach his eyes.

"Here." He handed me a handful of papers. "This is due in Wednesday. I would say to ask me if anything's unclear but I get the feeling you won't."

I didn't say anything.

"You can go initiate."

* * *

We had moved onto the next stage of training. Mental. I was placed 2nd under Peter, and then there was Aaron, Tris, and then Molly. Molly who I still did not like. Quite possibly I still had a grudge from the first day here. The day when she hurt Tris. I know that it wasn't technically her fault and this continued training has desensitized me a to a point where violence and pain is not so much an issue when it comes to Tris in the ring, however whenever I see Molly, I remembered that bitter feeling of helplessness. Now everything she does annoys me. It's not like Molly's done anything to help me form a different opinion of her anyway.

Molly was nothing but a bully.

Maybe if she was nicer I would have forgiven her but no, she seems to have no problem being the biggest bitch in the compound. She lost absolutely no sleep dealing with my loathing.

In fact, she thrived in it.

It was like she went out of her way to get people to hate her.

Which they all did.

I was paired up with her once in the ring and in that fight I completely kicked her ass. I fought harder and dirtier then I had with any other person I'd fought. She cried afterwards but I didn't care. People had patted me on the bank telling me 'good job' and I'd just smile in return. A smile I felt was fake. I didn't feel proud about what I did. I only fought Molly how she fought the others but from the way she sat alone, huddled against the wall, hair hanging over her face so we couldn't see the tears; I'll admit I felt a little bad. Ignoring that feeling I continued to take thanks and she continued to cry.

We were all sitting in some kind of bunker hall waiting outside 4 doors. Four, Eric, Sonya, and Carlos were behind each one. They'd open the doors, call out a name and then whoever the called would nervously enter the room with them. About 20 minutes would tick by before they'd finally emerge from the room but when they did; their eyes were dark, lifeless. We didn't know what was going on inside but whatever it was, it scared me.

"Tris." I heard Fours voice call. She looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up letting her know she'd be fine.

They were only in the room 20 seconds before the door opened and Tris walked out shaking. Four did not look happy. She came to sit down next to me and Four called our Jaydas name instead.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"I asked for someone else to take the test." She responded. She didn't tell me what the test was though, we weren't allowed to know till we got in there.

"How come?"

"I just don't want him doing it. You'll understand when you go through."

"Parks." I looked up to see Sonya give me a smile.

I followed her into the room.

"Take a seat." She indicated to the sim chair sitting in the middle of the room. I did what I was told.

"This is a fear stimulant." She indicated to the injection in her hand. This will put you in a world where you have to face your worst fears. The key to passing each stage is to either face the challenge head on and find some way to conquer it or to calm yourself enough that you can at least think through the fear. There are transmitters in the sim wired up to this computer so I'll be able to watch what you go through and give you tips and pointers to overcome it." Her words made me realise why Tris asked for someone else to give the test. There is no way she could let Four see in her head.

"These sessions are confidential." She explained, "Whatever I see in this room, will not be discussed with the other trainers, nurse or leaders unless given explicit permission from you as to do otherwise. Do you understand?" I nodded my head.

"Good." She smiled before sliding the needle into my neck. "Just remember to breathe Chase." She spoke quietly as I felt myself go under.

* * *

I gasped waking up. Sonya went to reach for me but I stood yanking all the sensors and wires off my skin.

"Chace calm down. It's okay." Sonya tried to placate me. "It was just a simulation."

"Just get all this shit off me!" I cried. My hands were shaky and my heart was beating so loudly in my ears. I couldn't get a grip on the stupid little things.

She tried to take the needle out of my arm carefully but I couldn't wait for that.

"Chace wait!" Sonya ordered but I wouldn't listen. I yanked the needle from my arm and then I took off. Out the door.

When I opened it there were only a few people left out there. There were at least 20 before. They looked at me their eyes all showed worry. Fuck. How long had I been in that damn thing?

I didn't have time to process that. No. I took off to the one place that calmed me. The garden.

* * *

When I finally made my way down to dinner that night Tris let out a cry of relief when she saw me.

"Thank god!" She ran to me throwing her arms around me.

"Hey." I smiled back but it felt strained. When I sat with the others everyone seemed slightly downcast.

Hey Chace." They all smiled and greeted me in some way but it didn't feel as light as it usually did.

The simulations had been bad for all of us.

Tris was the only one that had no problem eating that night. The rest of us just moved food about our plates.

I couldn't sleep . Even being on the garden roof couldn't calm me. I was freaked.

* * *

I didn't dare close my eyes. They took Chace away the last time I close d my eyes, I couldn't go through that again. No, I had to stay awake. Nothing bad could happen if I was awake.

* * *

I didn't plan on helping Molly. It sort of just happened.

We were walking back to the compound after our morning jog when a scorpion had crawled out of the gravel path. Everyone was stepping around it. Everyone except Molly. She had frozen. Her eyes were blank and she'd gone pale. A few of us turned around to see what she was doing, and when everyone realised she was scared, they snickered and continued on their way. I was about to do exactly that when I heard a whimper come from her throat.

Fuck.

I couldn't just leave someone there scared out of their mind could I? Even if that person was Molly, the biggest bully in our class.

I slowly walked back to her. She didn't seem to notice me though. Her eyes were trained solely on the scorpion

I bent over to pick it up with my hands. _You better not sting me you bastard_ I glared at the arachnid hoping it had some form of telepathy so it could be scared into submission.

Thankfully enough it didn't sting me. I had it clasped in my hands as I moved it out of Molly's sight. A good 50 feet out of Molly sight. I even went so far to place in between a cluster of rocks -I didn't have the heart to kill it- so she not only couldn't see it but probably never would again.

When I got back to her, she was still paralysed.

"Molly." I grabbed her arm and that's when she gave a massive jerk. Waking up from whatever trance she'd been in.

"Don't touch me." She snapped before storming off.

What. A. Bitch.

That's what you get for trying to be a nice person. I scolded myself.

Next time just leave her.

* * *

The sims were getting worse.

Everyone else's times were improving; mine seemed to take longer. The more times I went in, the harder it was for me to find my way back. I worried one day I just never would.

* * *

There was a party going on in the pit that we'd all been invited to. We'd gone to a few so far but this one was to celebrate and recognise the members of Dauntless who'd died in combat. It was held every year and almost everyone would be there to show there acknowledgement.

I was exhausted but the other's had all wanted to go so I just smiled and agreed.

"Yeah it'll be fun!" I tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible and I knew I pulled it off when they grinned in return.

It was the first time since the sims started that they'd finally seemed interested in any kind of socialising or fun and I couldn't ruin their moods with mine.

They were getting better.

Able to handle their fears more. Their personalities were back, their sanity slowly returning.

And I was happy for them. But me?

I felt like I was fading.

Not even the roof helped anymore.

I couldn't find peace, I couldn't find happiness.

I couldn't find myself.


	7. Chapter 7

I tried my best to enjoy myself that night.

Laughed at Al and Will, danced with Christina and Tris.

We had been there for 2 hours now.

I had a brief run in with Eric while we were there. I had stopped at the drink table to get myself a water and he was standing there with some girl I'd never met, his arm wrapped around her waist. I hid how devastated that sight actually made me feel. Of course he had a girlfriend. Why had I assumed otherwise? He seemed to tense as he saw me approach.

I wasn't sure what to say, I'd never seen him at one of these social gatherings before. He'd always been my 'leader.'

"Hi sir." I smiled stiffly not wanting to come across rude.

"Initiate." He nodded in return. We dropped into an uncomfortable silence for a bit before he cleared his throat, "Thirsty?"

"Yeah." I nodded awkwardly picking up one of the cups.

"Hi." The girl next to him introduced herself. "I'm Tanya. Erics girlfriend." She batted her lashes, her voice was sweet but her eyes were cold. I didn't understand what her problem was.

Erics face showed annoyance but he didn't say anything.

"Parks! Get over here already!" Tris called from the dance floor. Thank god. Perfect timing.

"Kay well.. I better get going." I held my cup up and walked away. "It was nice meeting you Tanya."

* * *

"Are you alright?" Peter asked walking over to me some time later.

"I'm fine." I smiled at him best I could.

"You're lying." He frowned. I looked up at him for a moment. Fuck. This whole time I spent my efforts convincing Tris I was fine, making sure whenever she looked over I had a smile on my face, making sure that she never suspected a thing; I never realised anyone else was watching.

"It's fine Peter." I tried to smile more believingly but he remained unconvinced. I looked down. Well what was the point in lying? He already knew I wasn't fine. When I looked up at him I finally whispered, "I'm just...I'm so tired Peter."

He didn't say anything, just gave a small nod, he offered his hand for me to take.

"Let's go."

"No I can't leave. No one can know."

He looked annoyed by the response then said, "Well it's obvious you can barely stand, barely keep your eyes open. So what do you want me to do?"

I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Come with me." He shook his hand again waiting impatiently for me to take it.

"But-"

"Trust me Chace."

He pulled me up from my seat and took me to the dance floor. A slow song was playing so he wrapped my arms around his neck and we swayed together. He rested my head in the crook of his neck.

"Let me take your weight." Peter whispered into my ear. I did what he said. His hands were wrapped tightly around my waist and he was basically holding me up. I closed my eyes. This was nice.

We continued moving like that for a while before he finally broke away, grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the corridor.

"Peter I said I can't go!" I yelled annoyed. "Everyone will know it's because I-"

"No people will think we left to have some _fun_ of our own." He spoke over his shoulders. "C'mon Chace, I asked you to trust me."

Oh.

"You mean people will really think we're going to…you know?"

"What else could it possibly means when a man whisks out a woman he's had his body pressed against for the last half an hour?" My face reddened at the question and he looked taken aback by my expression.

"Gee Chase. I didn't realise you were such a stiff." He laughed, "You always come across so.. street."

"Is street your way of saying slut?" I narrowed my eyes.

"No it's my way of saying well lived." He chuckled. Good save.

"You know people are gonna start thinking we're together again right?"

"Let them." He shrugged.

* * *

A few weeks back the other initiates had started making passing comments about Peter and me. We'd assumed they were just poking fun, until Tris had bought it up.

It was in the afternoon when I was laying on the grass outside, my eyes were closed and Peter was hand feeding me chips because I was too lazy to do it myself.

"Umm.. Are you two.. ya know?" She questioned. I cracked an eye open to look at her. Was she serious?

Chrstina, Will and Al had looked over for confirmation too.

"Are we what?" I asked slowly.

"Together." She replied after some hesitation.

I sat up. Peter and I both looked at each other for a second before breaking down in laughter.

"Me and him?" I choked out. "I would rather shave off all my hair and learn to tap dance then be his girlfriend."

"No no." Peter interrupted "I would rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire then be her boyfriend."

'No I have a better one." I laughed out. "I would rather –"

"Okay I get it!" Tris snapped.

Peter and I were quiet before breaking into laughter again.

Peter had become an amazing friend of mine. But that was all we were.

* * *

When we got back to our quarters, I sat on my bed and did nothing but think. Peter was lying there too.

It was a good plan. Lord knows it was the dauntless way to sleep around, no one would actually be surprised.

I thought the night of the party turned out to be an overall success.

Too bad I didn't realise Eric had watched the incident between Peter and I from afar and his eyes remained narrow the whole time.

* * *

The next day I was paired up with Tris in the ring.

The fight didn't go well. Not for me anyway. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her. I'd been paired with both WiIl and Al at some point in our training and came out of it victorious but frustratingly enough, my instincts to protect Tris kept over-riding my instincts to hurt her.

Everyone gathered to watch the fight. Some cheering for me, some for Tris.

Will and Christina cheered encouragingly for the both of us.

"Go hard guys! " Christina called.

The fight didn't last long. Eric ended up cutting it short.

"Enough!" He barked. Tris and I stopped to look at him.

"This is pathetic. You're in a fight and you're holding back punches? Nothing will be gained from that. You're not helping her and you're not helping yourself." He glared at me.

"I wa-"

"Get out of the ring."

When Tris approached me after training I thought she would be mad, instead she smiled.

"I'm sorry about holding back." I apologised before she could say anything.

"Parks. I don't mind."

"How can you not mind? I went easy on you and everyone saw it. I made you look weak, like you couldn't handle it. Aren't you angry?"

"Of course not!" Tris cried in disbelief. "I know how hard it was for you in that ring. I know you tried your best, but you've always protected me. How could I expect you to go hard on me? It's not in your nature."

* * *

More days passed.

More lack of sleep.

I was starting to lose patience with everyone, starting to snap at my friends.

These simulations were driving me crazy

Jayda and I got into a fight that day. I was so sick of her. Sick of the fact she had no problem with the sims, sick of the fact that she could still joke with her friends when I felt miserable. But most of all I was sick of watching her flirt with Eric.

"What's your problem?" She glared at me after we were sparring and I deliberately swung too high getting her in the face.

"My problem?" I scoffed. "Please I don't have a problem.

"Uh I think you do." She glowered. "Ever since Sims started you've been a bitch to me."

"Oh get over yourself." I snapped. "I couldn't care less about you let alone go out of my way to be a bitch."

"Seriously?" She laughed incrediously. "You've never spoken a bad word about _anyone_ before but with me, those words just come spewing out. What did I do?" She shouted.

"Are we going to train or just talk about my supposed slight against you?"

"You're a bitch." She spat finally coming at me. This wasn't a spar session. This was an all out cat fight. There were fists and cries and kicks and elbows. I had her pinned and fuck if I was letting her go. I slammed my fist into her repeatedly. I couldn't even aim properly, I was just hitting wherever I could. Arms reached out and pulled me off her.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Eric demanded. He sounded pissed.

Four had a hold of Jayda who was still trying to wriggle free.

"She started it! She's a complete psycho!" Jayda cried her tears mixing with the blood dripping down her face.

"Shut the fuck up!" I shouted trying to grab at her again. "I did not start it!" Erics grip didn't let up.

"Cool it!" He growled.

"But she's lyi-"

"I don't give a fuck who started it!" He shut me down. "I'm fucking ending it. Jade, wait over there. You can explain first." When I went to open my mouth he interrupted, "Chace. Get out. You can explain your side when you've calmed down. Right now you need to walk it off." He snarled.

"Me?" I asked incrediously. "Why me? She-"

"Walk. It. Off."

Fucking typical. I got into a fight with her over Eric and here he was taking her side. Why do I even fucking bother? He doesn't give a shit about me.

"You know what? Believe her." I swallowed. "I don't give a fuck anymore."

* * *

Chace was lying there. I ran to grab her but when I turned her over, it was to find a rotting corpses. The eyes were Chace's but nothing else was recognisable, her body filled with knifes like she was a giant pin cushion. I screamed stepping back only to trip over another body behind me.

Oh. My. God. Tris?

"Help me!" She cried out. She was bleeding through her clothes, I tried to rip them off her, tried to find a wound but there was no wound. I couldn't staunch the blood flow of an injury that wasn't there. "Parks you promised." She cried out. "You promised you'd protect me."

"I'm so sorry!" Tears were falling freely from my eyes. "I don't know what to do!"

"This is your fault." Chace's voice came from behind me. "You did this. You're responsible for her death just as you were responsible for mine."

"No!" I turned to face Chace now. "Chacey please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"You hurt everyone." Her voice began changing, her face morphing with it.

"You'll be the death of them all."

I tried to close my eyes from what was happening but when I opened them I was surrounded by dead bodies. Christina. Will. Al. Peter. Four. Oh my god Eric.

"You're to blame." A voice came from beside me. I turned toward the sound and saw myself.

"No." I shook my head. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

"But it did."

I shook my head. Wake up! I screamed at myself. I couldn't handle this.

"And there is nothing you can do to stop it."

Get me out of here! There was too much pain. Too much hurt. I didn't want to listen to her words but they were too loud and clear even with my hands covering my ears.

Please help me. I can't stay here.

"You are all alone."

* * *

I couldn't escape. I couldn't fight my way free.

I was surrounded by black. Complete and utter darkness.

No sound, no smell. Nothing…

It wasn't even darkness I was seeing though, was it? It was emptiness. I saw nothing, I felt nothing. I wasn't even standing, I was just floating in this void of nothingness.

* * *

From the outside I didn't realise what was actually going on.

I wasn't aware Sonya had hit the emergency button on the computer.

Didn't hear the doors slam open and Eric, Four and Carlos charge in. Didn't feel the chair recline or hear the increasing beat of the heart rate monitor and I definitely didn't hear it when the line crashed as my heart stopped.


	8. Chapter 8

_I didn't want to come back._

_I was in this weird state. Somewhere between awake and asleep. It felt nice. I liked the peacefulness here. Here where nothing could hurt me. Pain? What was pain? I barely recognised the word let alone the feeling._

_Here words like loneliness, grief, hurt; they didn't exist._

_Here everything felt safe._

_I thought I heard someone call my name but what was a name? I couldn't remember. Voices, a lot of voices. They would speak to me at different points in time._

_Time. This place didn't have it because nothing moved. Nothing transitioned from being what was to what is._

_This was where I belonged._

_No! A voice shouted at me. You have to get back! You can't stay here!_

_Why not? I'm home._

_Not yet you're not, your times not up._

_Who are you? I looked around the darkness. I thought I was alone here._

_Suddenly I saw her. Chacey._

_"Hey Piglet." She smiled._

_"What are you doing here?" I asked scared.. was this real? Was she really here?_

_"I could ask you the same question. You don't belong here Piglet, not yet."_

_"But I like it here." I frowned. I didn't want to leave._

_"Al, Christina, Will, Peter. They need you."_

_"Who?" I asked, the words were vaguely familiar but I couldn't pin point where I'd heard them._

* * *

(Erics POV)

The alarm sounded from Sonya's room and I felt the blood in my veins turn to ice. Chace was in there. I crashed through the door, the others close behind me.

Carlos and I reclined the Sim chair backwards, pulling out the legs in the process. When Chace was laying parallel to the floor we disengaged the rims, sliding in attachable sideboards so we had more room to work with. Four re-entered the room, he was sliding in a chemical stabiliser designed to wake patients up from the Sim.

That was when the electrocardiogram let out one long, high frequency pitch and I felt my stomach drop.

"Fuck someone get the crash cart!" I shouted as I moved to Chace's side to give her chest compressions.

Fuck.

How could this be happening? One. Two. Three. Four. Five…

I could barely look at her. Lying there, she was as white as a ghost already.

My heart lurched. If she didn't make it I wouldn't know what to do. I had known she was struggling in the Sims but I had wanted her to approach me for help. I figured it was only a matter of time. That if it got bad enough, she would have to come to me. Have to talk to me. I didn't think she would try to face it alone.

Not if it got this bad, bad enough that the fear would shut her body down.

I didn't foresee this.

I stopped my compressions while Carlos gave her mouth to mouth.

Sonya was on the emergency line to Kane, the dauntless doctor, telling him we needed assistance.

Fuck! Where was Four with the damn crash cart?

To know she might die, fear being the only thing she felt, was something I could not cope with. She had to make it. I was not ready to let her go.

"For fuck sake Chace breathe." I ordered as I kept working the compressions.

By the time Kane and Lexi walked through the door I was already losing my shit.

"Step back." Kane ordered and I did what he said but not before I grabbed him by the throat.

"You fucking bring her back or I swear to god I'll rip you apart myself. Do you understand me?"

Kane just nodded his head in response.

"Come on man." Four grabbed my shoulder and arm trying to release my grip. "Making threats isn't going to help anyone."

I'd do a lot more then make threats if it meant bringing her back.

If I had to walk into hell, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I let go of Kane's neck with a glare and nodded for him to continue.

I left as he was cutting through Chaces' shirt. It felt wrong seeing her like this, so motionless.. so defenceless..so lifeless.

* * *

_"Have you forgotten everything? Have you forgotten Tris? Have you forgotten Eric?"_

_Tris. Christina. Will. Al. Peter. Eric._

_Oh my god._

_My memories seemed to come crashing back at once. How could I forget about them? Forget about Tris? Forget about him?_

* * *

"Chace you've got to wake up." I heard Eric whisper my name. I could feel a hand softly touch my face, run through my hair.

I wanted to open my eyes. I wanted to say something but I couldn't seem to get my body to move.

"If you don't come back, who's going to undermine me at every turn?" He let lout a quiet laugh "You know, ever since you came I feel like I've had to fight for my authority. Even you're stupid little gang have gotten it in their heads that they can do whatever the fuck they want. You gave my initiates bravery and now they don't seem to follow my god damn orders. It's really fucking irritating."

Really? I wanted to laugh. I'm lying here, unconscious -as far as he knows- and he wants to use the opportunity to bitch to me?

Typical.

I heard footsteps approach and Eric's hand left my hair.

"Eric." Lexi's voice spoke softly from beside the bed. "You should go get some proper rest."

"No." Eric's voice suddenly held firmness and a coldness it didn't have when he was talking to me. "I need to be here when she wakes up."

"I'll call for you if she does." Lexi encouraged

"That's not good enough. I need to be here."

"You've been here for days Eric and there's been no improvement. How long do you plan to sit by her bedside? Weeks? Months?"

"For however long it fucking takes!" He shouted loudly.

"But-

"-I don't need to justify my decisions to you Lexi." Eric had finally had enough. "I am your faction leader. What I say goes. Now. Back. The. Fuck. Off."

"Okay." She didn't sound hurt, instead there was a smile of understanding in her voice.

I heard her footsteps disappear and Eric's voice went soft again as he spoke.

"I know you don't want to, I know that you're scared but you can't stay in your head forever."

* * *

I don't know how much time passed but when I finally managed to crack my eyes open, the sun was down.

My eyes were heavy as I glanced around the room.

My breath caught in my throat when, to my left, I saw Eric in the chair beside my bed. He was bent over, his face in his hands, his knee tapping insistently. He couldn't see me.

I tried to lick my dry lips but I felt like I had no moisture in my mouth. I swallowed but my throat felt like sandpaper.

"..Eric." I managed to croak out.

My voice was so quiet I didn't think he'd hear me but his head snapped up at the sound.

So many emotions passed through his face in that split second till it finally settled on relief.

"Chace." My name passed softly through his lips.

After a brief explanation of why I was there, he left to get me some ice chips to suck on.

I had been out for a week.

Eric spent the rest of the night with me, filling me in on what had happened in the time I had missed.

"I don't think I'm made for dauntless." I finally managed to whisper out my fear.

He looked at me confused before asking, "What do you mean? Of course you are. You're a natural."

I shook my head blinking back tears.

"Dauntless is bravery. How can I be brave when I am scared _all the time_? So scared I can't even sleep at night. That's not brave, that's cowardly."

"You think you're not brave? Every time you went back into that Sim, knowing what you would find, you showed a form of bravery."

"But you've all said it before, that we needed to conquer our fears." My voice cracked. "I didn't."

"There is no such thing as conquering your fears. You will never hit a point where you no longer feel fear. Bravery is facing your fears, not conquering it." Eric continued. "A man doesn't show courage by saving a child from drowning; he shows it by rescuing a child from drowning when he himself knows he can't swim."

I smiled at that.

"It also shows stupidity but hey," He shrugged. "Nobody's perfect."

Sometime later, when the sun had risen, Tris entered the room. After a lot of tears and hugs she laid beside me on the bed.

"I should go." Eric spoke standing up.

He made his way to the door before turning back to face me.

"Chace?" He called over his shoulder. He stood there for a second before giving an awkward cough, "I'm glad you're back."

I gave a smile in response.

I was glad _we_ were back.

* * *

Four days later the gang and I were seated in the cafeteria.

Things were going great for once in my life.

"How can they not have any brownies." I sighed loudly. "This is the third day in a row."

"Here." Tris shoved a slice of chocolate cake on my plate. "Eat this."

"But I don't want this." I frowned before picking it up and taking a bite.

Atleast I would have taken a bite if Will hadn't snatched it from my grasp.

"Well we can't let good chocolate cake get wasted on someone who can't appreciate it." He spoke before shoving a massive bite into his mouth.

"Hey!" I shouted indignantly. "That was mine!"

"Thought you didn't want it." Tris looked at me pointedly.

"Yeah but still." I pouted my lips and folded my arms dramatically.

"Hey!" Will put on his best reprimanding tone. "Nobody likes a whiner."

I rolled my eyes before smiling through the typical response, "Well nobody likes your face."

* * *

"Oh my god they have brownies!" I shouted excitedly. It was breakfast the next day.

Sitting down I managed to balance nine brownies precariously on one side of my plate before leaving an eighth of the plate for actual food.

"Gees Chace calm down, how much do you need?" Christina laughed as she saw my stash.

"Hey, you never know how long this might have to last me." I defended. "Could be weeks before I see them again."

"No, didn't you hear?" Peter asked sitting down on my left. I shook my head waiting for him to continue.

"Yeah Eric had a go at Michael; the guy that's head of kitchen last night. Told him he better start serving brownies today or he'd regret it."

My eyes widened.

"What?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah he asked why they weren't on the menu" Peter shovelled some food into his mouth before continuing. "When Michael said it was too hard and time consuming Eric had threatened to fire him and find someone who wasn't – and I quote – 'a lazy, sorry-assed excuse for a chef.'"

Peter laughed adding, "Also told him he'd beat the shit out of him. Was fucking hilarious."

I wondered if I looked as shocked as I felt.

Did Eric like brownies as much as I did? I thought it was highly unlikely but I thought it was equally unlikely he'd do it for me. Tris and Will seemed to think so though because they both raised their eyebrows at me grinning.

* * *

It was four in the morning and we were all in the training room.

"Where's Al?" I asked.

"He didn't get much sleep last night." Christina answered.

I looked up at that, "Is he alright?"

"I think he is." Will shrugged. "Seems to be having trouble with the Sims, but I asked him about it and he said he was fine."

The others were still working on their Sims. I hadn't had to go back since the incident. I'd gotten a medical pass. It would still affect my ranking a little bit, but it was for the best. Death vs dropping a few ranking places? Wasn't really a hard choice. I could afford to drop it anyway, I more then kicked ass in physical.

"I might go check on him when we're finish here." I frowned.

* * *

"Hi." I smiled at Eric. It was Dauntless Day, which was –obviously-the day Dauntless was founded as a faction. The pit was crazy that night. Full of people and music and drinking. I was surprised to see Eric, he usually didn't attend these sorts of things.

"Hey Chace." His lip rose in return. We talked for a bit before I blurted out.

"Where's Tanya?" He looked at me strangely and I felt weird for asking. It really wasn't my business.

"Me and Tanya aren't together anymore." He finally spoke.

"Oh." I looked down apologetically. "I'm sorry."

I knew in my heart I wasn't actually sorry though.

"Don't be." He shrugged.

"Can I ask why you both ended it?" Oh my god. Why could I not stop myself? That was such a rude question to ask, even if Eric was slightly my friend.

Eric narrowed his eyes in search for the reason I asked before finally speaking,

"I guess work got in the way."

* * *

I could not stop laughing.

This was getting ridiculous.

Eric had needed help picking out a present for Sonya's' birthday, something I'd offered to assist with.

Somehow the whole gang ended up here trying to advise him on what was the perfect gift. We all liked Sonya. She was the kindest out of all the leaders, which wasn't actually a hard feat considering who the others were.

"I'm not giving her that." Eric glowered. Will was holding up expensive woman's lingerie.

"Come on!" Will cried out, "What woman doesn't like lingerie?"

"Chace likes lingerie don't you?" Will looked at me for encouragement. I just shook my head incredulously, was he seriously asking me that in front of Eric?

"That's a sight I'd like to see." Peter rose his eyebrows suggestively towards me.

I couldn't hide my blush when Eric grinned at me.

"Fuck off." I glared at them all.

"Put that shit away." Eric finally spoke again, "Sonya would kill me if I even _thought_ about giving her that."

"What about this?" Christina held up a cooking book.

"Does she _look_ like a domesticated house wife to you?" Eric asked sceptically.

Al held up a pot plant. Eric only glared in response.

We continued to look around but when Peter returned holding a paper weight I snorted out loud. I couldn't help myself.

"What?" Peter asked innocently. "Everyone needs a paper weight."

Eric's expression was priceless.

I got the feeling we were more a hindrance then a help.

But by the end of the day we had found Sonya the perfect gift and that was all that counted.

"Thanks for what little help you were." Eric spoke as we were returning from out outing.

"Hey!" I shouted indignantly. "I still think roller blades was the way to go."

* * *

Like every good thing in my life, it never came to a slow end.

No, one moment it was fine, the next it crashed and burned.

It was 3 o'clock in the morning when I swung the doors open to the training room. Immediately I wished I hadn't come this way.

Eric and Jayda; locked in a tight embrace. She had her arms wrapped around his neck while his were wrapped around her waist.

They hadn't seen me yet. No, they were obviously too preoccupied.

Without a word I left the way I came.

* * *

It was lunch the next day when I stabbed angrily at the food on my plate.

"You okay?" Tris asked.

"I'm. Fine." I bit out.

Chrstina picked up the brownies from her side of the table before hovering it in front of my face.

"Come on, have a brownie. It'll make you feel better." She smiled encouragingly.

"I don't want any brownies." I glared at them. Jayda could eat the damn brownies for all I cared.

I saw Tris and Will share a wide eyed look before I scowled, "What?"

"What happened to brownies being the next best thing to world peace?" Will asked.

"What are you? The food police? I'm just over brownies alright. No need to grill me over it." I snapped grabbing a slice of cake. "Now can you leave me alone?"

Everyone at the table shared a look but this time I ignored it.

I hoped Jayda would eat the brownies and choke on it.

* * *

Two days later there was a carnival going on that the gang was all going to. I'd mentioned it briefly to Eric before the Jayda incident and he'd implied I might see him there but now I'd decided I wasn't going. I did not want to see Eric at all.

The others had already left and I was walking through the corridors to meet up with Al for a bite to eat. He hadn't wanted to go either... come to think of it, Al hadn't wanted to come to a lot of things lately.

I was just pondering that thought when I ran into Eric just as he was leaving.

"Hey." He spoke stopping to stand in front of me. I tried not to glare.

"Hi." It came across angrier then I'd intended.

"You alright?" He asked frowning.

"I'm fine."

"Weren't you going to the fair today?" He asked.

"Yeah well I changed my mind." I snapped. "Am I not allowed to do that?"

He raised his eyebrows at my outburst, "You can do whatever it is you like."

Like I needed his permission. I knew I could do whatever I liked, and so could he. He could do whoever he liked with Jayda. See if I cared.

"I know I can!" I saw his jaw clench. He obviously had no idea what I was mad about and I could see him fighting for patience.

"Are yo-"

"-Eric!" Sonya called from the distance. He looked at her before turning back to me.

"I better go."

"Yup." My voice was uninterested. "See ya."

A scowl crossed his face but he said nothing.

* * *

We were in the target accuracy room practicing with firearm handguns. Four, Eric and Teagan (another female trainer) were observing us.

Cardboard cut outs would slide along railings or pop up from ridges in the ground. We had to shoot all the 'criminal' cut outs making sure not to shoot an 'innocent' in the process. The lesson and training was going fine until I saw Eric standing behind Jayda, correcting her arm positioning and stance. Did he have to stand that close to her?

When he was satisfied with her aim he moved on only to turn to me and ask,

"Chace could you grab the ammo for the Magnum Revolver?"

"Why don't you ask Jayda to do it?" I snapped before I could think it through. The room seemed to go silent at my outburst, everyone turning to watch.

Erics' eyes narrowed before he spoke quietly, "I beg your pardon?" He asked giving me the chance to take it back. I would have taken it if I didn't see Jayda in the background watching as well.

"I said, why don't you ask Jayda to do it?" I repeated, this time with more attitude and flippancy then I actually felt. Fake it till you make it.

I saw Tris and stiffen at the response, Peter and Will flinch.

"Wait in the hall initiate." His voice was quiet and the smile that played on his lips promised pain.

I did what he said, my head held unnecessarily high to project indifference.

Indifference I definitely didn't feel.

* * *

I was waiting outside for nearly 10 minutes before the door slammed open and Eric exited. He looked pissed. Without saying anything he grabbed my arm and dragged me down the corridor, he stopped when we reached an empty room and he threw me inside.

"What is your problem?" Eric growled as he shoved me up against the door.

"I don't have a problem!" I shouted back grabbing his arm and twisting to escape. He was forced to loosen his grip as I slipped under his arm but he managed to grab the back of my shirt and yank me backward. I elbowed as hard as I could in the stomach. He grunted but his grip remained strong.

I tried to twist out of his grasp, but every time I made it free, he'd grab me in a new hold.

For every move I made, he countered it. I was getting really sick of this.

"Let me go!"

"You don't have a problem?" Eric looked at me doubtingly. It pissed me off. I was wearing myself out and he'd barely broken a sweat.

"No!" More limbs flying, more bodies moving.

"For fucks sake Chace." He glowered when I tried to knee him where it hurts most. He'd only just managed to block it in time.

"Why won't you let me go?!"

"Because you've been in a bad fucking mood for days and I'm sick of putting up with your shit."

"Then don't!" I shouted and before I could stop myself continued with, "Jayda's the one whose problems you should be worried about."  
"What?" He asked, his voice full of disbelief. "Why the fuck would I care about Jayda?"

"I saw you!

"Saw me when?"

"The other night! You were holding her!"

Eric looked confused for a moment before realisation dawned. "The training centre?" He guessed.

"Yes the training centre!"

"Listen to me Chace." Eric narrowed his eyes. "I couldn't give a flying fuck about her."

"Well that's a pretty shitty way to treat your girlfriend but that's between you and her I guess." This time I did manage to manoeuvre my way out of his hold and when he tried to grab me again I was ready. I put everything I had into escaping.

"Fuck Chace!" He yelled as he continued to block my attacks. This time he did look like he had to try and keep up. "She's not my girlfriend!"

"I don't care! You can date whoever the fuck you want. It doesn't concern me!"

"Doesn't concern you?" Erics' voice was low, there was a warning in it I couldn't miss. "You can bet your fucking ass it concerns you."

This time when he shoved me against the wall, he wasn't playing around. He did it fast and he did it hard. Between one second and the next I was pinned, my arms above my head, his body pressed tightly against mine. There was no time to think as his lips came crashing down.

The kiss was hard, brutal and unforgiving.

I couldn't breathe but I also didn't want to. All I wanted was Eric.

His mouth was so hot and slick and wet and his tongue burnt a searing path in my mouth.

I pressed harder against him, I wanted to grab a hold of him but he held my wrists above my head with one hand, the other hand he had clasped round my neck, pulling me impossibly closer.

The feel of him was driving me crazy.

The smell of him.

The taste of him.

A moan escaped me when he bit my lip, tugging, teasing.

Eric pulled back and I took a much needed breath. We were both gasping but I didn't want to stop.

"Please." I whimpered pressing closer.

He didn't need to be asked twice, with a growl his lips found mine again.

He'd ignited something that had been building between us for a long time and the flames consumed us both.


	9. Chapter 9

When I woke up the next morning the sun was up. I sat up and looked around.

I wasn't in my bed.

I was in Eric's.

Holy crap.

Last night came crashing back. The empty classroom, his place, his room, his bed.

I vaguely remember saying we should stop because he was rostered to teach a class next, to which his response was, 'fuck them.'

The rest was history.

Fuck, where are my clothes? I thought getting up.

I wrapped the sheet around me as I picked up my garments from where they were scattered across the floor.

I rushed to put them back on. I didn't know where Eric was, or how he would feel about last night. Now that the sun was shining, I wasn't so sure myself.

I was tying up my laces about to leave when the door swung open. He entered carrying a plate in his hands and a coffee mug.

"Brought you breakfast." He spoke, leaving it on his bedside table. I looked at his face but I didn't need to, I'd already heard it in his voice.

Regret.

I reached for the plate and he took a step back, folding his arms, like he couldn't stand the thought of accidently touching me.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

Did he hate what we did that much?

It's not like I thought it was the best idea in the world, but fuck, he could at least have the decency to look me in the eyes. I thought I deserved that much at least.

I managed to scoff down the breakfast despite the fact my mouth had gone completely dry. I didn't want him to know I was upset.

"Chace." He finally began, his voice was cold and distant. "You know what we did.. it was a mistake."

I felt my stomach drop.

I nodded my head in agreement, pretending indifference when on the inside I felt my world crumbling.

"It can't happen again." He spoke firmly, his voice full of authority. He went to say something else but I quickly interrupted him.

"I was thinking the same thing."

I didn't want him to know how humiliated I felt over being so completely rejected. I couldn't give him that much power.

And maybe if I managed to convince him I was fine, I could convince myself as well.

"You were?" His voice was light but his eyes had gone dark.

"Yeah of course." I managed to laugh out.

I thought I deserved some kind of medal. My acting skills in this moment were second to none. The lightness in my tone sounded believable even to my ears.

"Good." He nodded his head.

I finished the coffee and stood up.

"Well I should go." I smiled hiding the pain. I'd become so fucking good at this.

"Yeah." His voice was stiff. "See you."

I opened the door and walked calmly down the corridor.

Stay strong Chace.

Be brave Chace.

Breathe.

* * *

Why were things always great one second and done the next?

I just couldn't understand. Was it me? Was I too sensitive? Or was it everyone else? The universe seemed to get a kick out of seeing how many times it could knock me down, and I could do nothing but accept the blows.

The next two weeks went by a blur.

Eric kept his distance and I returned the favour. He'd also had the decency to stay away from Jayda but I considered it a small consolation.

When Tris had asked what happened that night, I didn't go into detail. She just let me cry on her shoulder.

* * *

I missed breakfast that day.

I sat on the roof top playing with the threads of Eric's blanket. After the whole bedroom incident I had considered returning it but I couldn't bring myself to. If he wanted it back he could come and get the damn thing himself.

When I finally made my way down to the training room I was surprised to see no Tris.

"Hey." I spoke walking up to Christina. "Where's Bee?"

Christina's face seemed to pale at the question and the room got eerily quiet.

She looked awkwardly to Will for help.

"Tris is in the hospital." Christina finally spoke.

"What?" I whispered. "What happened? She was fine last night!" I couldn't keep the panic from my voice. What could possibly have gone wrong?

"Uhh she.." She looked to Will for help but I wished she would just spit it out. Why were they looking at me worriedly, I wasn't the one lying in the hospital.

"What is she sick?" I asked impatiently. "Does she nee-"

"No it was Al." Christina's voice shook.

"What was Al?" I asked both confused and annoyed. "Al's in the hospital or Tris?"

At that a hand grabbed my forearm from behind.

I turned around to see Four. His eyes were strained. What the heck was going on?

"Al attacked Tris last night." Four explained causing my breath to catch in my throat.

"What?" My voice wasn't audible but Four seemed to understand.

"They were in the corridor and he snapped. We don't know what happened." I don't know what my expression showed but Fours grip tightened on me. "I know you're angry." He spoke, "But we're dealing with the situation. You can't get involved."

I shook from his grip and moved to leave the room.

"Chace. Don't." He ordered. "If I have to lock you down and let you cool off in a cell I will."

"I'm not going to Al! I need to check on Tris!" I yelled before storming out the room.

I was on my way to the infirmary when Eric stopped me.

"Let me go." I growled at him.

"Where are you heading?" His hand tightened on me. Where Four was gentle and his voice was concerned, Erics grip boarded on pain and his face was hard when he spoke "To see Al?"

Why does everyone keep assuming that? I needed to see Bee first, at least make sure she was okay.

"No for goodness sake! I'm going to make sure Tris is alright!" I snapped.

Eric didn't say anything, just nodded his head and let me go. I ran the rest of the way.

* * *

By the time I hit the infirmary, Tris was already propped up on the bed, pillows behind her back so she was comfortable and sitting. She was playing with her bowl of soup.

"Bee." My voice was strange even to my ears.

I had never seen her this bad.

Her face was barely recognisable. I wasn't sure if she could see me, her eyes were swollen tightly shut. Her lips were twice their usual size and her right cheek dipped in at a weird angle. Oh my god had he broken her cheekbone? There was literally no unmarred flesh on her face. All purple, blue, green and yellow.

Blood and pus and swelling. I failed her.

She looked up and when she saw me tears filling her already puffy eyes.

"Parks."

I ran over to her and wrapped my arms around her, being as gentle as I could. She cried into my shoulders, body wracking, heart-wrenching sobs.

I was shaking. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't understand what had happened. Al did this? How could Al have done this?

"Please." Tris begged when her tears subsided.

"I'll sort him for you Bee, I promise."

"No!" She cried. Once again I didn't understand.

"Bee you don't have to be scared of him." I encouraged. "I'll sort this. Trust me to sort this."

"No you don't understand!" She cried louder.

"What?" I asked concerned. "What don't I understand Bee? Explain it to me. You're in a hospital beaten and blue and Als' responsible. What could I possibly not understand?"

"It's not his fault!"  
That made me pause.

"What?" I asked.

"Promise me you won't hurt him Parks.".

"How can you ask me to promise you that?"

"It's the Sims!" Tris cried. "It's making him crazy!"

I registered that like nothing else would.

"What do you mean?"

"He hasn't been sleeping Parks, he's been plagued by nightmares night and day."

"I-"  
"-I'm sorry Chace but I think Tris needs to get her rest." Lexi interrupted. She looked at Tris In concern. She was kicking me out because I was making Tris upset.

I didn't fault her for it, even though it was hard to see Tris' tears through the swelling and unevenness of her face, you could definitely hear sobbing.

"Yes sorry, I'll go."

"Promise me Parks!" Tris begged as I exited the room.

I didn't.

I couldn't promise something I couldn't keep. Al had done this to her. I'd spent my whole life defending Tris from people like him and now she was asking me to do what exactly? To just stop?

Fuck no. Al did this and I'd make sure he fucking paid.

But this is Al! An annoying voice of reason screamed in my ear.

Al was my friend.

God what was I supposed to do?

As I exited into the corridor Eric was waiting for me. He was leaned against the wall, arms folded, his head bent down in thought. When he saw me he stood up from the wall.

"Whatever it is you're thinking, don't." Erics' voice held no room for argument.

I didn't know what I was thinking, I didn't know what I was doing, who to blame, or what to do with all this anger I felt.

All this helplessness I felt.

I shook my head. He seriously thought he could tell me what to do after everything we'd been through?

I tried to continue on my way but he stepped in front of me.

"Move!" I yelled. He didn't.

"You need to calm down." He spoke, his voice emotionless.

"Calm?" I asked disbelievingly. "Calm!? My _best friend_ is lying in there black and blue and you want me to be calm."

"Yes." His voice flat. "I expect you to be calm, I expect you to think logically, I expect you to weigh out the consequences if you act otherwise."

Was he threatening me?

"Really? You're talking about punishing me for not following orders? For once this isn't about you!" I cried out in frustration.

"I'm not talking about that kind of consequence!" He snapped, it was first time he'd showed some kind of emotion to me in 2 weeks. "I'm talking about the consequences of regret. Regret from acting impulsively and recklessly."

"Look I don't need life advice from you! I don't need anything from you!"

"I'm trying to help you."

"No you're not!" All the anger and hurt and pain from the past weeks were coming out and I couldn't stop it. I was overwhelmed by emotion. "All you're doing is hurting me!"

He looked taken aback by that comment.

"Initiate." He began slowly, softly.

"No. I can't deal with this." I shook my head. I shoved past him and he let me.

I ran.

I ran through the compound, the familiar corridors and came out to the garden roof.

I had so much to worry about and Eric just pushed me over the edge. I wanted so desperately for him to talk to me like he used to but he didn't. Why couldn't he have said my name? Why did he have to call me initiate? Like after what had happened between us that's all I was to him. I couldn't keep playing that game. Not when I had so much other things to worry about.

* * *

I walked through the cafeteria door later that evening and everything around me seemed to freeze.

Al was there, walking my way. He stopped moving when he saw me and his face paled. I stopped moving too. The background noise died down. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for.

When I moved towards Al I did it fast, and purposeful. My blood was pumping loudly in my ears. Al didn't raise his arms in defence as I approached, and when I rose mine, he did nothing but close his eyes and wait for the impact.

My arms flew around his neck and I pulled him towards me, holding him against my body. His body jerked in response but after a few seconds I heard a sob escape his lips and his shoulders drop. His arms wrapped around my waist as he squeezed me for comfort.

"I'm so sorry Chace." He cried into my neck,

"It's not your fault." I whispered back.

"I never meant to hurt her. I don't know what happened." I was wet from his tears but I didn't care.

"Shhh." I soothed. "It's okay. She'll be okay."

When the tremor didn't leave his body I pulled him into the corridor and headed back to our quarters.

I didn't miss Will's smile of relief or the tears in Christina's eyes as I pulled Al out the door. They were scared for him. They still considered Al there friend but knowing what Tris meant to me, they were willing to let me decide what I wanted done.

* * *

That night, instead of going to the roof like usual, I spent it in bed.

It was about 12.30 when I heard the whimpers come from where Al was resting. Christina got up and was just about to wake him when I shook my head. Walking over to Als bed I laid down beside him, wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. His body jolted before finally calming down, his breathing evening itself out. I ran my hands softly through his short hair, whispering that he'd be alright, that he was safe. I didn't know for certain if it would work, but I knew when I had nightmares I liked the feeling of someone being close by. It was the warmness of their body, the safety of their arms. It was something the other Chace used to do but I hoped Al would find comfort in it anyway.

It was nearing four in the morning and Al was resting quietly. I still had my arms wrapped around him, watching him as he slept for any signs of a bad dream. Christina, Will and Peter woke up and began getting dressed.

"I'm going to stay with Al." I told them in a hushed voice. "I want to make sure he's okay when he wakes."

"I can watch him if you like." The voice shocked me. I turned around to see Molly sitting up in her bed.

The others looked just as surprised.

"I mean I'm not going to hold him, but I can sit beside him, maybe rub his back if he flinches. How hard can it be?"

I looked at Peter and he nodded his head slightly for me to take the offer.

"Okay." I whispered sliding out from beside Al.

As I got ready and was about to walk out the room, I turned back around to stare at Molly, sitting beside Al.

"Can I ask why?" I really did want to know, she hadn't seemed like the caring type.

"I saw what you did yesterday." Molly shrugged. "Maybe I've decided to take a leaf from your book."

I fought back a smile, I had a feeling she wouldn't appreciate it.

Instead I just nodded and left.


	10. Chapter 10

It was after we'd finished our fights in the ring, and the others were preparing for their Sims when Eric approached me.

"Do you mind?" He asked, nodding his head towards the door.

I did mind, but I followed him out anyway.

When we hit his office and he went to close the door behind him, I stopped him.

"Wait." I grabbed his arm, "Why are you closing the door?" I tried to hide the anxiety in my voice but I suspected he could still hear it.

I couldn't bear the thought of being in a closed room with him.

"This isn't exactly something I want people overhearing." Eric responded,

I bit my lip but said nothing as he closed the door.

Fuck, why does he have to do this to me?

I spent the majority of the time trying not to think of that kiss, of what happened afterwards, but being alone in this office with him would just make it harder to fight the memories.

When we were both seated it took a while for him to speak.

"Chace, what you said the other night, about me hurting you?" Eris began, "That was never my intention."

I looked at him incredulously. I didn't want to admit that he had hurt me but I couldn't stop myself from replying, "How could you telling me you regretted it _not_ make me feel like shit, how could it possibly_ not_ hurt me?" My voice was rising.

"I never said I regretted it." Eric's response was hard.

"-You said it was a mistake. It's basically the same thing!"

"It was a mistake!" Eric shouted loosing what little cool he had to start with, "Sleeping with a first year was a fucking mistake! That doesn't mean I regret it."

"Well what does it mean?" I cried in disbelief.

"What it means is that I shouldn't have fucked you while I'm still trying to bloody train you! It means that I didn't want to _sabotage_ your training -something that I did- because I lost fucking control!" Eric took in an angry breath,

"Despite what I feel for you, I had at-the fucking-least wanted you to _graduate_ before anything happened between us. It was a mistake that it happened when it did, but I don't regret it."

My eyes had widened at his response, he actually wanted something to happen between us?

The weight I had felt in my chest since the incident suddenly lifted.

"Why didn't you say that then?" I asked, "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Because keeping our distance was for the best, and it _still is_ for the best."

I went to say something but he spoke first.

"At least until your training is over; I don't want anyone questioning whether you just got in through preferential treatment."

I didn't like the idea but the conviction I heard in his voice let me know I would never change his mind. If there was someone on this earth more stubborn then me, it was Eric.

After a moment I nodded, fine.

"Friends?" I asked

"Friends."

* * *

Friends was a better idea in theory.

Anytime Eric went to instruct one of the other girls with training I couldn't stop myself from glaring. I didn't want to be jealous but I couldn't stop myself. I would've felt bad for it too if Eric didn't do exactly the same.

Scratch that, Eric was worse.

He glowered anytime Four, Carlos or any other male trainer tried to improve my technique.

"Carlos!" He'd barked out one time, "Hands. Fucking. Higher." Carlos did nothing but grin at the response.

"Don't encourage him." He'd told me later that day. I thought the whole thing was funny but Eric was still in a bad mood about it.

"I wasn't!" I tried not to laugh.

"I'm serious Chace, that dickhead puts his hands on you again, friend or not, I'll throw him off the fucking roof."

I think the other trainers could sense Eric losing patience with the whole situation because they had all backed off, leaving my training to Eric.

It made it all the more difficult considering I couldn't concentrate whenever Eric was within touching distance.

He'd ask me if I understood something he'd showed me when I was barely aware he was teaching me anything.

His smell, his warmth, his touch.

It was all too distracting.

I worried it was just me going insane, until I was practicing one of the MMA holds on him.

He grabbed me around the waist stilling my movements.

I was resting above him, my body pressed tightly to his.

"Stop." His voice was so low and guttural I almost didn't understand what he said.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked confused. I was pretty sure my arms and legs were in the correct position.

He shook his head but his jaw clenched tightly. "I'm gonna need you to get up." He gritted out.

"But-" I went to argue.

"Chace." He swallowed. I could see it in his eyes at that moment.

_Lust_.

He was fighting for control and he didn't look to be winning.

"Oh." My eyes widened at the realisation. I pushed myself off him as hurriedly as possible.

When he stood he cleared his throat, taking in a shaky breath,

"Christina!" He barked calling her over, "Take her through what you just learnt." He ordered before walking off.

* * *

I visited Tris earlier that day and she was getting better. Her face was healing evenly, and she claimed it looked worse than it actually felt. I wasn't sure if I believed her but I smiled and nodded anyway.

The gang and I rotated between our visits so someone was always there to keep her company. Will was with her right now.

Four was by her side a lot of the time as well; whenever lessons were over he'd be in her cubical curtain. He always took his food up there to eat with her -and I wasn't sure- but I suspected he spent the night there too.

Al still hadn't worked up the nerve to see her. We'd encouraged him to go, and I knew Tris was waiting desperately to see him, but we all understood his hesitancy.

He was sleeping a lot better now. I usually spent my nights with him and then Molly would take over whenever we left early to train. That was something I still found strange.

Molly was her usual self in every other aspect. Still spoke trash to everyone's face, still fought dirty in the ring, and still used her size to intimidate the other initiates who didn't have a gang of friends to protect them.

Basically still a bitch, yet come every morning, she'd be up early ready to offer her help.

Al seemed to like her company though. They'd actually become a lot closer since the incident. They hadn't reached what I'd consider friends but she didn't seem to bite his head off for no reason like she did everyone else.

* * *

Eric and I were outside of the compound, walking through the forest when I told him I'd invented a new way to defend against a choke hold and he'd asked me to trial it out on him.

"That's not fair!" I shouted from the ground as he smirked standing over me, "At least wait till I get in position!" I laughed

"Weren't you?" Eric asked his voice much too innocent to be believable.

"No I wasn't." I told him putting on my best angry voice, though I suspected the grin on my face ruined the illusion. "Now stand there like a good little attacker and wait till I turn around."

"An unsuspecting victim can't give demands on how they want to be attacked." Eric pointed out but I could hear the smile in his voice as he did what I said.

"Shut it."

This time when he wrapped his arms around me, I twisted grabbing his forearm and as I turned my body forwards his rotated with me, twisting the other way I moved my leg in his path and as momentum rocked him forward, he went stumbling over my leg. I still had his arm in my grasp, which I used to controlled the angle in which he fell, giving me we enough time to position my knee into his chest as he hit the ground face up. I had is arm bent at an uncomfortable angle and my knee pressed to his throat.

I thought the hold had worked but with a twist of his body and a jerk of his hips we went tumbling. I wrestled for control and managed to get on top again. Eric looked amused.

"Submit." I told him holding his hands above his head. He tried to manoeuvre out but I countered it and pinned his hands again.

"Submit." I repeated laughing.

Erics' face unexpectedly went serious.

"And what would you do to me if I did?" He murmured, his eyes burned molten liquid and his voice was soft and husky. Suddenly we weren't play fighting anymore. My breath caught in my throat.

I didn't know when my face moved closer to his but we were mere millimeters apart.

I couldn't help it. My eyes flickered to Eric's lips and his eyes flared at the movement.

Just when I thought about getting up and taking control of the situation, he raised his head off the ground to meet mine.

Our lips finally met and just like I expected, sparks flew. He sat up holding my face to his in the process.

Fuck, why did his mouth feel so good against mine? He ran his tongue over my bottom lip wanting entrance and I didn't hesitate. Opening my mouth our kiss deepened.

It was intoxicating.

I straddled his hips and he let out a groan when I moved against him.

At the sound I pulled away realising what we were doing.

"We should stop." I muttered fighting for restraint. I licked my lips, tasting Eric on my tongue. His eyes watched the movement.

"Yeah of course." Eric's voice was gravel when he spoke. I pressed my forehead against his before taking a deep breath. Leather and Ice. When I'd managed to gain some self-control, I went to stand up. Eric stopped me grabbing my arms.

"Screw this." He gave my hand a hard tug and I went tumbling back down, he turned his body so he was on top of mine this time.

This time we didn't stop.

* * *

I had just pulled my jeans back on before turning to Eric, "Friends right?" I spoke first, thinking if I got the words out before him, I wouldn't feel so hurt when he brought it up.

He looked at me for a moment before muttering what I thought was the word fuck, and standing up.

"Friends?" He asked holding my face in his hands, "Is that what you want?"

I looked at him confused; a friend was never what I wanted. He was the one that made the 'distance' rule.

"Isn't that what you want?"

"Seriously Chace?" He raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. "If _that_ wasn't fucking obvious, I'm telling you right now- I can't fucking do friends anymore, all I want is you. All I can think about is you- when I'm next going to hear your laugh, next going to see your face, next going to taste these lips." He finished, rubbing his thumb along my bottom lip. "You're driving me crazy."

I could see the desire in his eyes. Words eluded me. He had put words to all the things I felt inside.

"We can be friends if that's what you need." Eric finally whispered, "But fuck Chace, you have no idea how much more I want."

With his words I crushed my lips against his.

* * *

A/N Hey guys, just thought I'd let you know -so it doesn't come as a rude shock- I'm thinking this story will end in maybe 2 more chapters. :)


	11. Chapter 11

"Okay do we all understand our roles?" Will asked looking at each of us individually. We'd spent the whole morning writing and perfecting a speech we were about to deliver Al, stating all the reasons we think he should visit Tris. We each had our own opening theses, multiple rebuttals for any disagreement he made against going, and closing arguments. The plan was set.

When we hit the room Molly and Al were already there.

"Sorry to interrupt but this is important." Will began, "The gang and I have decided that enough is enough. We cannot simply sit by well you mope around too scared to –"

"Guys you don't have to, I know what-"Al began.

"And furthermore I would point out that just because some-" Christina was talking now, drowning out whatever Will and Al were saying.

"No really I wa-"

"Because in reality there are only two-" I began, I was sure this was where my line was meant to go, but considering Will and Christina were still talking I could only assumed we'd fucked up the speech somewhere.

"I never wanted yo-"

"Sometimes mistakes are made a-"

"And we're all biologically conditioned to have some kind of emot-

"When all we want is to be left alon-"

"OKAY!" Al shouted. That caught everyone's attention. "You guys have persuaded me, I'll go."

We all looked at each other sceptically.

Honestly, we practised 6 hours for that garbage? We could barely hear what each other was saying. Let alone expect Al to have heard a word.

"..We persuaded you?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Yup you have all convinced me. Good valid points. I'll go up and see her now." Al spoke standing and walking out the door. We all looked at each other before turning to Molly. She was suddenly very preoccupied with making her bed going so far as to fluff an already puffy pillow. I didn't know what she said to Al but it was obvious, after that epic fail, that it wasn't us that did the convincing.

* * *

Tris and Al were back on good terms and she'd finally been let out of the hospital 3 days ago. Molly had become part of our group too. I wasn't really sure how that happened. One day Al had sat beside us for lunch and Molly had followed suit. Nobody objected. We all just shrugged and continued eating and they did the same.

After that, the both of them were inseparable.

The gang and I were gathered round one of the tables eating lunch when the party we attended last night became a topic of interest.

"No seriously," Al laughed. "They had buckets of it, and when the music started they dropped it all from the ceiling."

"How did I miss that?" I asked disbelievingly.

"I think that was when you left the room with Blade." Peter reminded me.

"Oh yeah." Tris nodded her head, "Why did he want to see you in private anyway?"

I tried to cough as a hint to Tris to be quiet but she missed it.

"Cause you were gone for quite a while, I almost sent a search party out for you."

"Yeah and when you came back, you and Blade were acting really weird." Christina added most unhelpfully.

Unfortunately for me, neither of them seemed to see my shaking head and widening eyes; the universal tell-tale facial signs of 'end this conversation now' until it was too late. I hadn't told Eric about what happened yet and as luck would have it, he was just walking past when Peter had bought the topic up.

He stopped at their words and turned to me.

His eyes went glacial.

Fuck.

Peter, Al and Molly who were sitting beside me winced.

Christina, Tris and Will who sat on the other side, couldn't see Eric, but all their shoulders stiffened.

Yup, everyone could feel the electricity in the air.

Tris slowly turned her head, confirmed her suspicions then turned back to me giving me her biggest apologetic stare.

"But you know," Will let out a dry laugh trying to break the tension. "Define a _long_ time? It's all really subjective isn't it?"

"Yeah I more thought she was gone one second, back the next." Al nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Yeah, no I think you guys were right. It was actually pretty quick, I remember now."

"Yeah you probably got her confused with Christina right?" Molly added helpfully.

Tris nodded her head

"Yeah."

"Totally."

"Definitely."

I appreciated their efforts but it was a losing battle.

Eric didn't say anything. He just turned around and walked out the cafeteria doors.

I ran after him.

"Eric!" I shouted. His strides were long and fast. "Wait!"

He didn't listen. I continued to chase him and when I finally reached him I grabbed his arm pulling him to a stop.

"Where are you going?" I asked annoyed when he shook his arm from my grasp.

"To see Blade."

"Eric please-"  
"-I asked you!" He shouted turning back, grabbing my arms and shoving me against the wall. He wasn't as rough as I knew he could be but it was still enough to immobilise me.

"I fucking asked you if anything happened last night and you lied to my face!"

"Please I wa-  
"-So now I'm gonna hear it from Blade." His voice was harsh, "And maybe he'll give me an honest fucking answer."

I didn't have time to think, there was a janitor's closet to my left and I opened it and shoved Eric inside slamming the door behind me.

"Blades gay!" I shouted when Eric opened his mouth ready to shout something in anger. Whatever he was going to say stopped short in his throat. He seemed to think on those words for a minute before asking,

"What?"

I could understand his disbelief. Blade seemed like the straightest guy around. He was the popular guy in his class, was ranked first out of the dauntless borns, and was such a flirt with the girls. I had found the idea weird too.

"I didn't tell you because he doesn't want people to know." I explained.

"I thought.." Eric didn't need to finish his sentence. I know what he thought.

"I know what you thought." I shook my head, "But seriously Eric? You know me. Did you really think I could've done something like that?" I knew I got the point across when he wouldn't look me in the eyes but I thought I needed to drill this message home so I continued. "Cause if you think I'm capable of that, then really what's the point? We may as well end it her-"

"Don't." Eric's voice was hard when he spoke but I heard the underlying vulnerability in it.

"I'm just sayi-"

"I get it." He growled. "Okay? I fucking get it."

I smiled.

I was sure he wouldn't forget it either.

* * *

Eric and I laid on the roof together.

This had become our sought of thing to do at the end of the night. When everyone was starting to wind down, him and I would escape up here and talk. We'd eventually make our way back to his room, but some nights, when I felt like I needed to see the stars, feel the breeze, we'd stay up here.

It was weird lying next to Eric, it felt so natural yet at the same time completely unnatural. For some reason I always imagined Eric to be a slab of concrete. A walking, talking slab of concrete. To hear his heartbeat, feel the warmth from his blood pumping, the softness of his skin added a vulnerability to him I never knew he had. Despite how strong and intelligent and confident he was, Eric was still human. Sometimes I forgot that.

"Eric?" I whispered after we had been silent for some time. I looked up at him but his eyes were closed.

"Nnm." He grunted in response. I didn't know if he would hear me or if it would fall on deaf ears but I wanted to say it anyway.

"Thank you." I whispered quietly.

I assumed he had fallen asleep but then he cracked an eye open to give me a strange look.

"For what?" He asked his throat rough from drowsiness.

"For everything." I smiled. I rose up above him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips before curling back into him and going to sleep.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning the sun was starting to rise.

Again?

Every night I'd spent with Eric, I'd slept through the whole night.

At first I had thought I was sleeping longer from the _activities _before bed but that didn't explain last night, when all we had done was talk.

There were two reasons why I couldn't sleep properly.

Reason one was the obvious thing; nightmares. They were the primary thing that woke me up every night but -if for some reason it didn't- the second reason always kicked in.

The fear something would go wrong if I closed my eyes too long. It had only happened that one time, with Chacey, but it continued to haunt me. Not being awake to witness your world fall apart.

The fear was enough to jolt me into consciousness whether I wanted to or not.

Until now.

With Eric.

He made me feel safe, safe enough that I could sleep.

And the thought terrified me.

I looked up at Eric and he was already awake watching me.

"Morning." He spoke.

"Morning." I smiled.

* * *

Eric was teaching Molly, Christina, Al and I how to restart the backup generators in case they overheated.

"And then you hit the red one." He instructed.

"The red button?" Christina asked.

"No the red Chihuahua," Eric snapped, "Of course the red button."

The 4 of us shared wide eyed looks. Eric was a lot of things, but a patient, kind-loving trainer wasn't one of them.

"It was a fair enough question." I defended Christina based on principle.

"Yes I think so too." Al agreed immediately.

"Besides, there's a Rusty Red button and a Rosewood coloured one, you could have been speaking about either." Molly added.

That made us snort. We never knew Molly had a sense of humour but we found it always came out in the strangest of moments.

"Do you want to learn this shit or not?" Eric scowled.

"Of course we want to learn it." I frowned.

"Then shut your mouths." He glared, "And concentrate."

* * *

*A month later*

Eric was heading out of town for a two week mission. I didn't want him to go. I had become so used to having him there. I didn't want to admit how much I would miss him.

I also knew with him gone, the nightmares would be back.

I didn't bring it up to him, I didn't want him to know I'd come to rely on him to sleep. But typical Eric, I couldn't hide anything from him.

I walked with him to see him out of the gates. There were 12 other dauntless soldiers waiting for him.

"Morning Sir." They all greeted him as he approached; he gave them stiff nods in response.

"Hey Junior." They'd all grinned at me. "Hope he's treating you right."

"Make sure you don't let him order you round."

"Yeah show him who's boss."

They all encouraged. I grinned in response while Eric just glowered at them.

"Prepare the armoured vehicles. I want one loaded with the erudite supplies, the others with amity food sacks. We leave in five." He ordered. They all marched off to do as told and then he turned to me.

We were the only ones left now.

"Turn around." He spoke. I did what he said and I felt something cold touch my neck. As I looked down I saw it there. The pendant. When Eric closed the clasp I turned around and looked at him in question.

"It's yours now. It might not keep the nightmares at bay when I'm away, but if you wake up, feel that and think of me."

"Thank you Eric." My voice was soft. "I'll be careful with it I swear."

He pressed his forehead against mine and took a breath.

"I'll miss you." He whispered.

I pressed my lips against his. This kiss was sweet, and soft and held all the emotions we couldn't say. Neither of us said _I love you_, but I think we both knew how the other person felt.

"I'll miss you too." I smiled.

* * *

Another month had passed since he'd returned from that mission and Eric and I were as close as ever.

That's of course when it happened.

I guess it may come as no surprise to you. Something you all would have been waiting for.

Expected.

Because really? This is me we're talking about.

The me, who when life gives something good, she likes to snatch it back just to watch me cry. My rollercoaster had been on a high for quite some time and it was long overdue.

The fall.

I saw them today. Eric and Jayda alone in the corridor, when I saw her hands were on his chest, I attacked her. It wasn't that I didn't trust Eric, Eric who -by the way- was obviously trying to shove her hands away from him, but the nerve of Jayda.

Eric had grabbed me off her before taking her by the arm and pulling her away,

"You're nothing but a bully!" She'd managed to scream just before I lost sight of her. Her words made me freeze.

That wasn't what I was, was it?

When Eric had re-entered he'd taken one look at my face and dragged me to my room.

"Get out!" He barked at everyone that was present. They scattered at his words.

He sat me on my bed, moved my hair behind my ear. He looked into my eyes and I knew he saw the pain.

He was talking to me but I couldn't hear what he was saying, I was repeating Jayda's words in my head. He seemed to realise this too because he stood up and reached for me. "I'll be right back. Don't think on what she said. You hear me?" He held my face and didn't let it go till I nodded.

When he was satisfied with my answer he left, but not before turning back to say, "Don't go anywhere."

I was sorting through all the junk Tris and I had piled up during our stay, doing anything to keep my mind occupied, when the door swung open.

"Hey do you thin-" I cut myself off when I realised it wasn't Eric who walked in but Jayda.

She looked at me but didn't say anything, then with a huff moved to her bed.

I replayed what she said in my head. I couldn't believe she thought I was a bully. The thought made me sick.

"Jayda. Do you mind?" I asked tentatively, indicating the space on her bed.

She rolled her eyes but nodded.

I took a seat, hesitating for a split second before beginning, "Look, I know we haven't exactly seen eye to eye lately bu-"

"You think?" She glared. "I mean, what the _hell _is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem –"

"Oh so you _are_ just a bitch?" She snapped.

"Wait. No I'm no-"

"You know what pisses me off? You only get away with it cause other than Peter you're the strongest here so it's not like we can stand up to you."

"Stand up to me? When have I eve-"

"No one can be who we are unless you approve!"

"Since when?!" I shouted trying to control how upset I was with where this conversation was heading. "I have never _forced_ anyone to change." The very thought of it made me nauseous. I never wanted anyone to be someone they weren't. Is that really what they all thought of me? I was just some raging oppressing tyrant.

"Really?" She raised her eyebrows disbelievingly. "Jason? Kate?" She named a couple other transfers from our class; they hadn't changed, not much anyway.

"What about them? They have friends now. That's good. So what?"

"It's good is it?" She asked in a voice that meant she obviously wasn't expecting an answer. "They were anti-social loners before and you forced them out of their comfort zone."

"No. They were shy, I offered them friendship. They didn't have to take it."

"You really think they could've said no to you? You've said it yourself, they were _shy_."

Shy didn't mean they couldn't stand up for themselves though.

That's what I had thought anyway.

"I was just trying to help them." The statement didn't sound as confident as I wanted it to.

"Like you helped Molly?" The condemnation in her voice made me wince.

I didn't want to ask what I'd done to Molly, I couldn't bear to hear it but Jayda continued anyway.

"You think Molly actually _wants_ to help the other initiates train? You think she _likes_ baby-sitting Al? No. She did it to get you off her back." I had never wanted her to train the others, she had offered.

Molly was strong, if she didn't want to do something, nothing would have forced her to.. but suddenly I wasn't so sure.

I wanted to deny what she said but words at that moment escaped me.

Jayda was puffing from her rant and I was silent trying to hold back the hurt.

"It's not true." I finally managed to speak but the words sounded weak and broken.

Jayda looked at me for a moment before opening her mouth to say something else; instead she closed it and walked out the room. Just as she hit the door she turned back and said, "You know what? Just forget it." She left with that.

Forget it?

She was kidding right?

How could I possibly forget that?

Forget that I'd become what I hated most.

A monster.

Something to fear.

Something to cower from.

All my life I stood up for the weak, trying to protect them and somewhere along the way I'd turned into the thing they were afraid of.

No you're not! I argued with myself. Jayda doesn't know what she's talking about!

Then why did her words make so much sense. It's not like her theory didn't hold water.

They had all changed.

Changed to what I thought was better, but was that just me? Did I forcibly mould them into what I wanted them to be? Jason, Kate, Molly?

Oh my god even Peter.

Did he secretly hate me too?

My thoughts were getting dark and I couldn't stand it.

I had wanted to be like Chacey. I wanted to become a protector, a comforter.

I wanted to make people feel safe.

Instead I was a monster.

A bully.

Like the men in black.

Chacey would be ashamed.

The thought broke something inside of me. Something I didn't realise I still had until that moment.

_Faith_.

Faith that I could be something good. Faith that I wouldn't let the awful things in my past tarnish who I wanted to be, faith that I could turn all the bad into something good.

But I hadn't.

I didn't know who I was anymore.

I packed up my stuff. It didn't take long, everything I owned was able to fit into one back pack.

I unclasped Eric's pendant from my neck with shaky hands. I felt so naked without it.

I had his folded blanket placed at the end of my bed and I gently placed his pendant on top.

I thought about leaving a note for the gang, for Tris, but what would I write?

Sorry I was such a controlling bitch?

Didn't seem like enough.

_But what about Eric?_

I had nothing I could say to him either.

No. I left without a word. I knew enough about the compound now to know what exits were least used, and what times to use them in order not to be seen.

No one saw me leave so no one stopped me.

I was there one minute, gone the next.

To everyone else, it could be like I never existed.

And maybe it was better this way.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Last chapter! :)

* * *

I went back to the one place I thought they wouldn't look

As I entered the old, run down, poor excuse for a shelter, a wave of nostalgia hit me.

So many nights I spent here.

The fungi still grew in thick clusters on the walls and the dampness of the room chilled me to the bone.

Yup. This was my home from now on.

I felt a pang in my stomach at the thought. This isn't what I wanted my home to be… Dauntless was meant to be my home.

Stop! I couldn't think like that. Dauntless wasn't my home. I didn't belong there, no matter how much I felt like I did.

I was impacting people for the worst and that wasn't who I wanted to be, so that wasn't where I belonged.

I couldn't be anywhere where people would be scared of me. If that meant staying in this shithole then so be it. A small sacrifice for the greater good.

I couldn't stay in Dauntless with the others there. Being who they were, they wouldn't have let me keep my distance, something that –whether they knew it or not- they needed.

Even if Will, Christina and Tris hadn't noticed they'd changed, even if they didn't hate me for it, that was just how they felt in the present moment. I was certain one day they'd wake up and realise what I did to them… and that's when they'd hate me. I couldn't deal with that.

I was amity through and through.

That not only meant I struggled to hate anyone but it also meant I couldn't bear the thought of someone hating me.

If the gang started resenting me, it would destroy me and I didn't really have anything left in me to destroy.

No this was the right choice.

For everyone else, but most importantly for me.

* * *

**One month Later**

I had just opened the rackety door, and dumped my things in the corner of the room when I froze.

Something here was off. I could feel it.

Truning around I went to make a run for it but the door slammed closed.

Tris.

Taking a deep breath I took a step towards her.

"How'd you find me?" I asked.

"Asked around. You're pretty hard to miss."

I nodded my head but said nothing else.

"I talked to Jayda." She finally spoke. I let out a quiet laugh before sliding down one of the walls and taking a seat.

She took a seat too. We looked at each other from opposite walls.

"She told me what she said." Her eyes met mine. "It's not bad to change people Parks"

"You say that now but you have no idea how much you will hate that in the future.. Looking back and wondering who the fuck you became."

"I wouldn't resent it." Tris shook her head. "I could never resent _you_! How can you not know that? You remember how we met right?"

"Of course I do." I couldn't forget that night, even if I wanted too.

"So you remember saving my life then?" Tris asked incredulously, "That night was horrible for me but you _saved _me."

"I _changed_ you."

"For the better!" Tris cried. "I was spiralling after that night and you were there to hold me steady! Things were dark for me after that! Everything was black and you know better then anyone how ready I was to end it all, you know I would have. You changed me Parks, are you saying you regret that?"  
"Okay." I cut her off when she went to speak again. "Yeah you're different, but your story was different. The others? It wasn't some dark period of their lives. They weren't spiralling."

The door swung open again and this time Jayda walked in.

"Hi." She greeted uncomfortably.

"Uhh hi." I returned.

"I just wanted to come and…" She trailed off. "Listen about what I said that night."

I frowned. Would she spit it out already?

"Can you please stop thinking on it? I was being a complete bitch and I'm so sorry I made you feel like you needed to leave."

"You were right though."

"No! I wasn't!" She shouted in disagreement "I was just pissed at you because I had a crush on Eric for so long and he obviously chose you. When he made his feelings clear, instead of accepting it like I should have, I lashed out at you and it was wrong of me."  
"Regardless of why you did it, it was still the truth." I argued.

"No it wasn't. I just said stuff I knew would upset you. Chace everyone's changed since they came here. Shit I've changed since I came here. That's not on you."

* * *

That was when the door opened again and Will, Christina, Al and Peter walked in.

Fuck. How many people were out there?

"Cause this isn't cheesy guys." Though my voice was sarcastic, I was actually quite touched they were here.

"Hey it wasn't my idea." Peter raised his arms up. "I suggested kidnapping you and tying you up till you agreed to stay. It's these pansy's here." He indicated to the other three.

"Yes of course you'd say kidnap her Peter, you have no tact whatsoever."  
Christina rolled her eyes.

"I had enough tact to get you though." Peter pointed out, "And that's all that really matters in my books."

I raised my eyebrows. They were together? The others in the room looked equally surprised so I could only assume it was a new thing.

Christina's face reddened in response before she muttered, "You'll lose me if you don't shut it."

He just grinned in response.

"Look Chace." Al spoke bringing the conversation back on track, "I don't know what the others think, but believe it or not, you saved my life. If it wasn't for you, I don't know how I would have made it through the Sims. So yeah, you may have changed me. So what? I'm alive aren't I? I figure that's more important."

"But you ha-"

"No buts." Christina interrupted. "Believe it or not Chace, we were transfers because we couldn't stand our factions. We moved to Dauntless because we _wanted_ a change. Because the life we were living wasn't for us. We would have all changed regardless whether you were here or not."

"Yeah all you did was change us for the _better_. Lord knows Christina was an obnoxiously honest cow when she arrived." Will chuckled at his own joke, Christina smiled at that until Peter started laughing in which she turned to glare at him saying, "Yeah and Peter was a conceited dickhead with no friends."

"So I guess nothing's changed then."

The tension in the room eased a fraction with the laughter.

"Guys I still thi-

"Chace, though I absolutely _hate _to admit it, I was miserable before okay?" Peter looked like he was struggling with what he wanted to say, "I know I came across as an arrogant bastard but guess what? I'd just come from a faction where I was an outcast and I felt like I'd joined Dauntless just to become an outcast again. You made me realise I wasn't alone. That we were all in the _same_ boat."

I was silent for a moment taking in his words. I couldn't believe those words came out of Peter's mouth. Will or Al? Maybe, but Peter? It's probably the longest speech that's ever come out of his mouth.

"Awww Peter." I gushed.

"Shut up." His voice was serious but the smile in his face showed his true feelings.

"But that's such sweet words." I continued. "I'm on the brink of blushing here."

"Seriously Chace." Peter stared. "I'm this close to punching you."

* * *

When I returned to the compound I knew I would have to speak to Max about why I left and why I came back…. but he could wait.

There was someone else I knew I had to see first. I dreaded the thought of it. I didn't want to face him but I had to.

I made my way down the familiar corridors; I could walk this path in my sleep.

I knocked on the door waiting for a response.

"What?" Came a grunt from the other side. Taking a deep breath I swung the door opened and walked in.

I was greeted to the sight of Eric sitting at a table, sharpening his dagger.

He looked up as I entered and I saw so many emotions pass on his face before it went blank. He was always good at that. Hiding what he felt.

"Hi." My voice was quiet.

He didn't say anything but his face was hard as marble. Great, that just made me more nervous.

"I'm back." I felt like it was a statement he could have done without but I didn't really know what else to say. He remained silent.

"I just thought I'd let you know.." I bit my lip.

"Oh did you now?" His eyes flashed but his voice was like ice. "Funny considering you didn't think to let me know you were leaving in the first place."

"Eric-"  
"-I just had to walk in your room and find, not only you gone, but all your shit."

"I want-"

"-Actually, not all your shit. You forgot to take this with you." He threw his pendant at me and I just managed to catch it in time. "I gave it to you; it wasn't pertaining to the condition of our relationship-"

"-I'm sorry."

"-Or lack of relationship I should say."

"I know you're angry."

"Fuck Chace, I passed angry a long time ago." Eric's laugh was bitter. "Now? Now I just want you out of this room."  
"Eric plea-"

"Out." Eric's jaw clenched tightly. "Now."

I swallowed back what I wanted to say and nodded. I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to push him either, he had the right to be pissed. Didn't stop me from feeling hurt though.

* * *

It had been 3 days since that incident. I had spoken with Max about returning, something he wasn't going to accept but apparently the other trainers and leaders asked him for leniency on my behalf.

"You're lucky you're a well-liked person Ms. Parker. Don't disappoint me again." Max told me before sending me on my way.

Despite the fact I went out of my way to find excuses to talk to him, Eric still ignored me.

I felt like I deserved it but at the same time it frustrated me. I assumed we were over but because he wouldn't speak to me, I couldn't get that confirmation. I didn't want it to be over between us but I had absolutely no idea where his head was at the moment.

I'd managed to get him to talk to me maybe twice since I'd gotten back, the rest of the times he just wouldn't speak at all.

"I made a mistake." I had told him.

"It was a pretty big fucking mistake."

"How can I make it up to you? Please Eric. Tell me!"

He didn't, he just walked off.

* * *

** One week later**

As I was leaving the cafeteria I felt someone grab my arm. Turning around I was surprised to see it was Jonah.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." He smiled back. "There's a party going down in the pit today for Marias birthday. Was wondering if you're interested in going together?"  
"Oh Maria's birthday! Definitely!" I spoke excitedly until his words penetrated. "Wait, when you say together?"

"Yeah." Jonah coughed awkwardly. "I mean as a date.. That's if you're free. I wasn't sure how things were between you and Eric. You're over right?"

Great. That was a question we both needed answered apparently.

"Uhh Me and Eric are.. It's sort of complicated.. Umm maybe I could think on it." I really didn't plan on going with him. I wasn't over Eric.

"Oh." Jonah's eyes looked downcast for a second. "We could always just go as friends, see how it goes?"

"-You're fucking crazy if you think you could go as more." Eric's voice behind me made me jump and from the surprised expression on Jonah's face, he hadn't seen him either.

"Eric? Wh-"I didn't get to finish my sentence as he began dragging me through the corridors.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He growled as he threw me in his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

"I was talking to a friend!"

"Sounded like a lot more then talking from where I was standing."

"Well where the fuck were you standing because you obviously heard wrong!" I was getting angry. He hadn't spoken a word to me in days and suddenly he's in my face about shit I've done wrong. Fuck off.

"You talk to him again and I'll break his legs, understand?"

"You've got to be kidding me!"  
"Do you fucking understand?" He shouted.

"No! No I don't understand! I don't understand what the fuck is going on! I don't understand why you're so angry!"

"You don't know why I'm angry?" He raised his eyebrows incredulously

"No I don't! Are we together Eric? Aren't we together? Cause I sure as fuck don't know!"

He looked pissed but then he opened the door. His voice was calm when he spoke, "Get out."

"No." I glared. I left last time, this time I wasn't leaving without closure.

"I wasn't asking."

"I'm not leaving." I shook my head. I hoped I was portraying confidence and self-assurance because I sure didn't feel it right now.

"Get out!" He barked out loudly but I stood my ground.

"Not until you tell me where I stand!" The tears I didn't want to show began rising in my eyes but I tried to fight them back as I spoke. "Please Eric. You're breaking my heart."

"I'm breaking _your_ heart?" Eric looked at me in disbelief "Fuck Chace, you're the one that left! How the fuck do you think I felt?"

"Please Eric, I'm so sorry."

"I know you are." He finally sighed but I heard the resignation in his voice. "But I'm fucking angry Chace… I can't forgive you. At least not right now."

I felt my heart drop at that and the tears I tried to hold back fell freely from my eyes. I nodded anyway and tried to keep my voice from cracking as I spoke.

"Yup okay." I nodded through the tears. "That's fine. I understand."

"Chace after some time-"

"No it's fine." I tried to smile. "Just.. please know that I really am sorry about what I did, and if I could go back and change it I would."

I left with that. Went up to the rooftop and sat.

* * *

**Two weeks**

"That's it." Tris spoke glaring down at me. "I am sick of miserable Chace."

"What?"

"Christina! Will!" She called and they both came over. "We need a plan."

"For what?" Christina asked confused.

"On how to get these two stubborn knuckleheads back together."

"We aren't getting back together Tris, he can't forgive me."  
"Oh please." Christina rolled her eyes. "He's not Candor, he was lying through his teeth when he said that."

"You guys didn't see his face.

"We don't need to." Will spoke, "We see his face when you're not looking and that's the face that counts."

"If he doesn't want to forgive me, you guys can't force him too."

"Well I'm sick of putting up with his shitty mood. He was a short tempered bastard since you left and he's been worse since you got back. Something's gotta change."

And that was how the plan started.

The whole gang got involved in making it. Will, Al, Molly, Christina and Peter. Even Four had offered his assistance. He thought the whole thing was amusing.

* * *

**Next day**

"This is a really bad idea guys." I spoke suddenly getting very nervous.

"No it's not. Parks, just do what we said." Tris encouraged

"That's easy for you to say you're not the one hanging over a chasm. If I fall-"

"-You won't fall." Will assured me. "You're all harnessed in."

"What if the harness doesn't work?"  
"Hey." Four glared at me. "What do you think am I? An amateur? I know how to work a fucking harness."

"That's not what I meant." I but my lip the looked down at the harness and rope. "Remind me again how he's _not_ gonna wonder why I'm attached to a rope when he pulls me up?"

"Because we're not worried about him pulling you up. The fear comes from watching you _fall_, he'll hopefully be far enough away not to see this shit. And hopefully when he gets close enough he'll either be too distracted by the fact you're hanging over a chasm to notice, or at the very least have the fear of losing you knock some fucking sense into him about how much he actually needs you."

"Okay but what if he sees it before-"

"Chace. Stop it. You're overthinking." Molly ordered.

"Then what if -despite all this- he still doesn't forgive me?"

"Then nothing's changed." Al answered, "You would have gained nothing but you also wouldn't have lost anything so what's the harm?"

"Guys stop making sense. I'm trying to talk myself out of it."

"We know you are." Tris looked at me purposefully. "But we're not going to let you."

"This way!" I heard Jayda shout.

Jayda. She was also in our plan. She said she had felt like she owed it to me to help because she considered herself responsible for the problem I was in. We'd taken her up on her offer and asked her to lure Eric our way. If one of the others in our gang tried to do it, Eric would have known something was up. No, he wouldn't be expecting Jayda to help us.

Tris, Four, Molly, and Christina took off as Eric rounded the corner. Peter, Al and Will stood with me, masks covering their faces. They were pretending to attack me and I was pretending to fend them off, my foot slipped off the ledge as they shoved me and I felt my stomach drop as I fell. I managed to catch the ledge on the way down, but even knowing the harness was connected to me under my clothes, I still refused to let go of it.

God that's a long drop down. I thought staring into the darkness. I knew when Eric reached the others because I heard grunts and cries of pain and the sound of flesh hitting flesh. I winced. The things my friends were willing to do for me.

I looked up and I saw Eric there his hand outstretched to me. I took it. He dragged me up. His face had a sheen of sweat from his fight and I tried not to feel bad about his bleeding lip.

"Thank you." I spoke as my feet hit the ground.

"Need I ask why there's a rope attached to you?" He asked dryly. "And why your little posse is pretending to attack you?"

"You knew it was us?" Peter glared taking off his mask.

"Gees, why'd you hit us so hard then?" Will muttered. They all stood up from the ground wincing and leaning on the wall for support.

"Of course I knew it was you." Eric narrowed his eyes at them before turning to me. "And I also know Four's the only one that can tie these knots." He spoke grabbing at the line on my harness.

"What were you thinking?" He asked finally.

"I was _thinking_ that I needed you to speak to me. I was thinking I needed you to wake up and realise that I might die tomorrow, you might die tomorrow and we need to be able to leave this earth with no regrets."

"And this was the plan you came up with to prove that?" Eric scoffed in response.

"Oh please." I huffed in indignation, "What would you have done? Mr 'I'm so good at everything.'"

"Well I would have chosen something where the ropes aren't tied in plain fucking sight." He responded. His words were annoying but the lightness in his voice gave me hope.

"Not to mention the fact that-"

"Yeah okay. I get it." I snapped losing patience.

"Hey don't get short with me." Eric laughed. "You're the one asking for my opinion."

"Yes well I just decided I don't need it." My voice oozed haughtiness when I responded.

We were quiet again before I spoke,

"Please stop being angry with me."

Eric's face went serious. He raised his hand to move my hair behind my ear.

"I guess I'm not anymore." He finally sighed. "Your plan was stupid, your execution was terrible and if I was grading you right now I would fail you" I tried not to wince at his words. Gee Eric, don't hold back the punches. "… but I guess you achieved your wanted outcome."

"I did?" I tried to keep the hope out of my voice.

"Yeah, you did." He muttered bringing his face closer to mine. "I don't want to live with regrets." With that our lips met.

"Yay!" I heard Tris yell coming out from her hiding spot and me and Eric pulled away quickly. I blushed at the interruption, Eric glowered.

There were cheers from the guys, and squeals of happiness from the girls. Eric and I took a step apart and I looked at them. My dorky mismatched friends.

God I loved them.

* * *

We were all walking to the cafeteria to eat. Tris and Four were in front of me, their arms wrapped around each other. They were laughing and she turned back to me and smiled. She was happy. I was happy. The world was perfect.

Eric was walking directly behind me, his arms around my waist, his body pressed tightly to mine, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"I'm still pissed at you though, you know that right?" He whispered in my ear.

I turned back at him and grinned, "Well I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you then."

I pressed my lips against his. It was meant to be a soft kiss but it grew and by the time we pulled apart we were both breathing hard.

"Is that you making it up to me?" He raised his eyebrow a smile playing on his lips.

"That's not even close." I whispered against his mouth before taking him by the wrist and dragging him down the corridor to his room. Food could wait. When I slammed his door closed behind us and turned to him he grinned,

"If this is how you plan to make it up to me, you can piss me off anytime you like."

"Oh I have no doubt about that."

I was always in trouble for something and I knew that would never change. And if Eric could put up with my shit, then that's all that mattered.

We may not have the perfect relationship, but we were perfect for each other.

* * *

The end.


End file.
